Laying under the stars, I breathed in slowly, and out slowly.
In..
Out..
In..
Out..
Instead of freaking out, like normal, I had decided to relax this one time.
Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about.
Focus on the stars. Focus on your surroundings.
I filtered out the vivid constellations among the millions and trillions of stars. The Big Dipper, Ophiuchus, Hercules, Orion and his belt, Sagittarius... I could go on forever. I unfocused my vision and looked at the big picture. Thousands of white spots popped against the dark background of the universe. Though, the even darker outlines of the trees covered what seemed to be Scorpius hiding behind the bundles of pine needles.
My eyes travelled down one tree, moving down to the tall, scrawny grasses that were just barely lit by the half moon shining in the sky. And next to the grass was the lake. The surface was shimmering, barely moving from the slight breeze I could detect on my right side. Scanning from my left to right, I passed the dock, the bundled up sailboats, and canoes, all the way to the the shore again on my left.
From a grove of long grasses in a mini marshy wetland not 10 meters from where I was sitting, I could hear the deep, throaty croak of a frog. It reminded me of my aunt. She was a smoker, and had a naturally low voice. Do you know what I'm talking about? Sometimes people just sound like frogs to me. Or frogs sound like people.
But even louder than the frogs were the crickets. There was no such thing as silence out here. Crickets made sounds all night long. Whether they were the constant sounding crickets that weren't as loud but didn't seem to stop, or the ones that you could easily pick out from a crowd of them, they were everywhere.
It was relaxing. Finally. I needed to relax. I needed to make this decision. I didn't know what to do. For once, I wasn't even sure if my heart was right.
Suddenly, a hand clamped on my shoulder. My eyes got wide, my heartbeat quickened to that of someone who had just finished an Olympic sprint, and I quickly breathed in a rush of air through my lips. The crickets had been so loud that I didn't hear the unwanted footsteps come up behind me.
When I turned, I certainly didn't expect who I saw.
"You're not someone I want to see right now," I spat, my eyes narrowing. He paused for a endless moment before replying.
"I just wanted you to know that I support your decision. Whichever it might be," he stated. He talked slowly, as if unsure of his words, and his face seemed soft with a familiar look in his eyes.
I instantly stood up and face him full on. There was no way I was relaxed now. In fact, I was angry, pissed, and annoyed.
"Don't lie to my face," I demanded, "You and I both know that's not true. You want me to stay. With you. Which, right now, you aren't doing a good job of convincing me." By now, I was in something I like to call, Full Sass Mode. Completed with each hand on my hips, a tilted head, glaring eyes, and a sharp tone, there was simply no way you could lose.
"You think I'm lying? "
"Of course I do," I enunciated.
"Why?"
"...why?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because."
"Because..."
Because I have needed to feel wanted for far too long.
