Once upon a time, a man walked down the beach. The moon was full with no clouds to be seen. Cool breeze calmed the man down, gave his heart some rest.
His eyes gazed at the stars as he wished he'd understand. How can you live all alone? Hundereds of light years away from anyone and anything else?
The man wondered: How can it endure the loneliness?
How can the stars not care for the lack of others' presence?
He looked down at his hands, smirked as he remembered: We're all made out of star dust.. aren't we?
The man sat down on the cold smooth sand. He soon fell on his back and kept his eyes closed. The sound of the sea came close, and went away..
"Don't you think your self-pity is ironically pitiful?" A voice asked, or was it his own?
He smiled, even though he has stopped looking at his reflection in the mirror, the voice figured out a way to follow him.
"I know how pathetic i am, i realize how stupid my problems are compared to other more pressing matters.."
The voice asked "But...?"
"You know, it sounds silly.. or rather, crazy when i talk to myself as if there are two people.."
"But..." The voice insisted
He held some sand in his hands and let it fall over his chest slowly.
"Like my problems, these sand particles are small and light, they impose no problem and are nothing in the face of the air or my hands..."
"However..." The voice continued
He smiled as warm tears fell over his cheeks, wetting the sand bellow his head
"However, put enough light, seemingly meaningless sand on top of me... of us... of star dust..."
"and..." the voice finalized
"And we realize how fragile we are in the face of mere sand..."
His tears caught the sounds from afar, people laughing and chatting. As always, he thought it was fine, that he didn't care"
"You care, you feel the pain and agony of being alone, missing out on what others do" the voice seemed to have struck a sensitive issue. The man jumped out of the sand and walked away from the voices.
How far can one walk before he forgets what it's like to be with others? How long did it take stars to shine so brightly despite their horrific loneliness?
"Say, do you even know why you're nothing but specs of star dust roaming this world like a hollow shell?" the voice asked, the man replied soon after "Because i haven't found the righ..." but the voice interrupted him "Don't start talking about not finding the right people, you just use that to justify your pitiful state, you miserable creature!"
The man reached the far end of the beach. His sand covered dry tears fell as he talked again to himself "You are right... No one knows me better than you do, no one ever did or ever will. I'm alone by choice. A series of choices that got me to where i am... Forgotten like a star whose light has disappeared. I'm insignificant like the specs of sand i step on right now. I'm wrapped in self loathing and pitiful dark nights where i talk to myself. I'm insane and dysfunctional..." the man took a deep breath before finishing his line of thoughts "I'm nothing... worthless... is that what you wanted me to say?"
No voice replied to the man
"Is that.. what you wanted me to say?" he asked again, there was no reply.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY!?" he shouted at nothing madly.
"You seek something from others that you know nothing about" the voice finally replied
The man stayed silent, his chest was heavily loaded with agonizing pain.
"You seek others' recognition when you don't know yourself. You seek others' care when you neglect everything about yourself. You seek others' presence and support when you are never there for yourself in the darkest times..."
The voice went silent, soon after sopping "You seek others' love... when you have never loved yourself..."
With a broken voice, a shattered soul, both as one "We are star dust, so lost in pain that our efforts are lost in vain. We lose ourselves in the pointless pursuit and an empty race that can never be won. We chase after being the heroes of our stories, forgetting that a story needs a hero, villain and the rest of the roles. We claim to be reasonable when we're so absurd, claim to be content when we have nothing but greed...
We... No, I... will stop seeking out until i'm able to find it first in me. The care, appreciation and love that i have once sought, it has brought me more sorrow, it's all it's ever brought.
I still wonder, alone in the night
Will i ever be able to, love myself... a star so bright?
YOU ARE READING
In The Eye Of My Mind
FantasyI sat on a pile of stones, drenched in the blood of countless souls.. however, they were not countless, for i knew their exact number. My eyes were tired, my body ached after this long journey. "Ah.. So you did come back" A distant voice asked...
