Chasing Stars - A Midnight Mafia Novel

Chapter Fifty Seven

                For some reason that night when Stacey called me to ask how I was feeling I didn't tell her about Alessio's proposal. Nor did I call my father or Sammy to share the news.

No.

Alessio had explained some kind of work to me that he had to attend to on the car ride home but I had been far too out of it to pay attention. All I knew was that he wasn't here now and I was grateful for that.

As it stood, I was laying in the bath tub, fully clothed, not a drop of water near the porcelain coffin. The reality of the world was too much to deal with. It would have to wait for another day.

Why hadn't I said yes? Alessio hadn't brought it up in the car ride home. A car ride he had actually driven during. We were both soaking wet and mentally exhausted and had taken the car in mostly silence. I had thanked him for the wonderful date and complimented his flannel. He had proclaimed he was burning the thing the moment we got home and after that we'd both been pretty quiet.

It didn't make sense. I have to think about it.

What did I possibly have to think about? I would walk through lava, and fire, and gun shots to be with Alessio. I would trade my left tit to the devil himself if it would somehow make Alessio happy. I loved him, and I hadn't a doubt in my mind I wanted to spend my life with him. Not even a shadow of a doubt.

Alessio was my one and only. The idea of walking down the aisle to meet him, of being Mrs. Genovese, promising each other forever, starting a family...I wanted all of that. It was like a little girl dreaming of being a princess, it was their wildest fantasy, a dream come true. I could have it.

But I had to fȕcking think about it?

If Alessio and I married, would I not be an even bigger target to rivals? Maybe that was what I was so concerned about. The dangers to my life...

I tapped my fingers off the side of the tub.

No. That wasn't it. I wasn't concerned with the dangers. I may have thought two of my favorite men were going to kill me today, but overall I did believe that Alessio could and would keep me safe. I wasn't scared of this life anymore.

I wouldn't even kid myself into thinking I was concerned with the dangers to his life. In my eyes Alessio was invincible. The idea that he could possibly be killed some day was almost laughable. I wasn't scared of losing him, I knew he would be alright.

Maybe it was our children. If we had kids they would not only be in danger constantly, but would Alessio want them to take over the family business? I had been so furious with Nicolo for joining the mafia, so heartbroken when his life had succumbed to it. I couldn't imagine putting that on a child. Alessio had told me he'd started clean up duty at fourteen years old. A fourteen year old boy responsible of disposing of a dead body? The thought alone made me want to cry. That was not the sort of life I would want for my child....

...and yet...I knew that wasn't what held me back either.

My phone lit up from the floor beside the bath tub and I leaned over the edge to examine it.

Oh.

I felt like I was going to be sick. Maybe I had to think about it because I knew I had been unfair to Alessio. Maybe I had to think about it not because we had had problems, not because of the way it would complicate our life as we moved forward, or even the way it would affect our future children.