we will find a way

chapter three

chapter three: the other side of my parents

i woke up to Rielynn talking again. i dont understand why she has to be so annoying!

''rielynn please!!! shut up!!!'' i yelled. then rolled over and tried to fall asleep.

''hey this is my pay back for your snoring.'' Rielynn said. jumping up out of her bed. fully clothed. i wonder if she planned this. she probilyis trying to be annoying or if it come naturally. but yet again i could be wrong.

''what i don't snore!!" i squealed. i don't snore... do i? no i don't. she's just trying to get inside my head. i looked over at her . she just smirked and walked to the door. i think it come naterally. it has to come naturally. nobody is that annoying. on purpose.

''hey i..um.. saved you some bacon and eggs. they're on the dresser'' she muttered. she turned around and left.closing the door after her.

wow well that was sweet. i wonder if she did anything to them. i rolled out of my bed and lay on the floor to stretch. ok maybe she wasnt THAT annoying.

''hue aah'' i yawned. i rested on the floor for a little bit then got up. when was on my hands and knees i spotted something under my bed. i pulled it out and recognised it right away. it was a little wooden box that my parents had saved for me. i got it after the accident. i opened it up and looked at the stuff inside. i never looked inside so i was surprised to see what was in it. the first thing i pulled out was a journal. i flipped open the cover to see my mother name 'Margret E. Saddler' . Saddler was my moms maiden name. this is my moms old note book. i wonder if t says anything about my dad in here

i put the book on the bed and sit next to it. next i pulled out a watch with and read the letters imprinted on the back. they read 'C.J.L' . those are my father initials. i was named after him, Carley Jo.his name was Carl Jo. the only difference is i have my mothers last name. i have no idea why i do and evry time i ask they say the same thing. becuase we want to change it up for a change, but i never really beilieved them.

i set the watch beside the journal and pulled the last thing out of the box. it was a necklace. on the chain was a ring. in a white gold frame there was a emerald, my birth stone. i put the necklace on and look at it in my hand mirror.i look just like my mom. light brown hair and brown eyes.i have freckle that splatters the bridge of my nose and my checks.  puts my pinkie finger thought the ring and begin to play with it. its an old habit. i had ring on another chain that Nathan gave me but the chain broke. i take the ring off and out on my new chain. its a sapphire in a siver frame.

i pick up the watch and journal and go to put it back in the box but i saw something sticking out of the box liner. i pull it out and looked at it. it said 'to my Jo Jo'. i unfold and and saw another letter fall out but i ignore it and start reading. it said:

Dear Jo Jo,

If your reading this it probably means that i have past. As sad as i am to know that i have left you it was probably for your own good. I have made lots of mistakes in my life and one including meeting or father. Not Carl but your real father. His name was John Lois West. Although you father was a mistake in my life that does not mean that you are a mistake. I do admit that you where not planned but you are the best surprise in my life time. i would do it all over it again because you are the only good thing that came out of that relationship. Our father is a very rich man and would have been able to support you in your life but he did not have the heart to raise a child. he had already had two children and the where very bitter.i couldn't possibly imagine rasing a child in that teribble house. i was only a maid there and i dont think your father know that i was pregnant with you. i only hope that this is the turth. i left before it was to noticible.

This does not mean that Carl does not love you. He is a very generous and let me into his home when i was pregnant with you. He does know that you are not his and we have been keeping this secret for a reason. Your father was a drug dealer in Spain and i moved here to get away from him. That is why you have my last name. no matter what you do you can not contact him. he is a very dangerous man and he is probably the reason I'm am not here today. i can not begin to explain the thing i have seen him do. i did not want you to be involed in his problems. i can only begin to imagine that you understand my reasoning for this letter.

please try to enjoy life. Look on the bright side of things. i love you

love,mom

 

my dad was a drug dealer!!!!! what? was my mom drunk or something when she meet him. she must have been. i fold up my moms letter and pick up the next one. this one says 'to car' this must be from my dad... or step dad now!? i open it and start to read

Dear sweetheart,

i love you and i don't want you to ever forget that. i don't care who your daddy is your my daughter and that's never gonna change. now hopefully you read or mama's letter by now anyou understand everything. we only did this to protect you. dont go looking for your  daddy. you where alway stubborn and i bet you i guess by now your daddy has change but you are wrong. he will never change. i guess by now I'm dead and hopefully you have a nice home.  you can have anything of mind excepted anything in my safe. i gave you my watch and you mama gave you that old dirty journal , she never puts that thing down. you got the ring i gave her after you where born and the box i craved in eight grade. don't lose any of those things. well that's about all i have to say. one more thing never forget to make mistakes in life because you can always fix them. well goodbye sweetheart.

love your true daddy

 

by the end of reading those to letters i was crying and was barley able to see.i need to show this to Nathan. i get up and stumbble to get dressed into my skinny jeans and areopostale shirt. then rush out the door clunking the letters.i run past every one in a hurry to get to the attic. everyone is looking at me but  i didn't care how i looked, i didn't care that i was still crying and i didn't care that i was about to tell Nathan my biggest, darkest secret that i just found out i had.

i pushed open the door to the attic and see Nathan sitting on the old mattress. he stands up the instant he see's me crying. i just collapsed into his arms and cry my eyes out.

fifteen minutes later I'm laying on the mattress with my head on Nathans chest.he's running his hand thrown my hair and with every knot that he pulls he gives me a kiss. when my hair is finally knot free he sits up.

'' would you like to tell me what this is about?" he said

''yes'' i said with a horse voice. i hand him the letters and wait for him to read them. Nathan stops playing with my hair and starts reading. i start twisting my rings. Nathan reaches down and places his hand on top of my hands so i stop playing with them.

i can hear him reading quietly to himself and wish i could just throw the letters away and forget this happened. but i cant and i am never going to forget.  he finish my moms letter and moves onto my da.... step... CARL'S letter. i don't even know what to call him now. i amstill trying to figure out how i didnt put this together myself since i was always digging.

''well that's...different'' he whispered ''well it could be worse. he could be a murderer'' he said

 i just broke down and cried.

''what if he killed someone'' i cried ''what if they go after me.....or you''

'' i would never let them hurt you.'' he said

'' but that doesn't protect you'' i cried

''dont worry about me'' he answered

'' how the hell am i no suppose to not worry about you'' i said

''try to forget for a while'' he said

''how?" i questioned

''try to relax'' he whispered

''ok i'll try'' i said

Nathan just pulled me into a hug and i lay there with him. just Nathan and i, it seemed that every thing in the world was gone. and we layed there until i fell asleep. there we stayed for the rest of the day.just the two of us.