Pins and Needles

Just don't eat where you shit

I was in deep, deep, deep shit. So deep that it seemed like I was drowning in it. Sure, my body was pretty happy but my mind was going crazy. I'd done something stupid and reckless and normally I wouldn't care but then again, I'd never been in this situation before.

I'd put my phone on speaker while I was checking myself in the mirror. I guess I was ready to go to work. Nope, that was a lie. A big, fat lie.

"Hello?" Jill's sleepy voice answered the phone.

"Jill! I'm so glad you picked up!" I ran to my phone and picked it up.

"Okay, what did you do?" She deadpanned.

"It was all my dog's fault and now I'm screwed! I got screwed in multiple ways, Jill. That's not how it's supposed to go! Puddingfuck!" I cursed while raking my hands through my hair. I went back to the mirror before my hair would be completely ruined again.

"You don't have a dog. What are you talking about?" Jill asked. "Want me to come over? I don't have class until noon."

"No, I need to leave for work any minute," I answered her.

"You got it? That's great! Congratulations!" She cheered.

"Don't celebrate just yet. I already fucked up. Typical Gwen behavior!" I complained to my best friend.

"Just tell me," Jill said.

"Brad and I, we-"

"You didn't? Wow," she interrupted me.

"I fucked my boss. How cliché. How obnoxious! I'm just so angry with myself. Now work's gonna be weird and awkward and he'll probably end up firing me. Maybe I should just quit altogether," I sighed.

"I see you've been overthinking every single detail. First of all, Brad isn't your boss, his brother is. So, he's more of a colleague. Second of all, you start work today, you didn't start yesterday. Look, it's not that bad. I know Brad, he's a good guy and you'll both get over it. Unless you don't want to." Jill managed to calm me down a little.

"Of course I want to! It was a huge mistake," I groaned. "Well... it was good sex. And I definitely needed to get laid," I pondered.

"Just don't eat where you shit. That's how they say it, right? Don't fuck where you work. Don't pork at the job. Don't screw where you-"

"Alright, I get it. Enough," I laughed. "Crap, I need to go."

"Bonking Brad is one thing, being too late for work is worse. Hang up the damn phone, woman!" she said right before she hung up herself.

My nerves when I had the job interview were nothing compared to the nerves I felt while stepping into the tattoo parlor for my first shift. Every possible scenario had gone through my head and in every scenario I didn't really know how to react so I bolted. Needless to say I wasn't wearing heels. You could run faster with flats.

"Morning Gwen," Brad greeted me in his normal chipper way.

"Hi," I said while throwing my bag behind the counter.

"Come here," Brad said. He was sitting at the table with his laptop in front of him while holding a mug filled with coffee. When I went to sit beside him, he pointed at the screen. "I have an appointment in a few minutes. I want you to keep practicing. After that, I have a regular who's coming by for a consultation. It means he wants to sit with me and discuss his new tattoo. I draw it out, tell him how much it's gonna cost and make the appointment with him. I want you to sit with me so you know what to do when you start seeing clients individually," Brad explained.

"Right, okay," I answered him.

"You could watch me ink someone but I think it's better if I let you practice as much as possible," he said. I looked up at him for the first time that day and concluded this might work out. It wasn't awkward, he was just being his friendly self. Man, I really needed to loosen up. Not too much, because I knew what would happen if I did, but just a little. When did I start being so uptight, anyway? Growing up is so gross.