Pins and Needles

I'm already sporting a burgerboner

Brad and I decided to meet at the parlor so we could go to some frat party together.

"I feel like I might be too old to be going to frat parties," Brad confessed when I arrived. He'd already been waiting at the parlor.

"How old are you anyway?" I asked bluntly. I'd worked hard in front of the mirror trying to look good but not too good. It was hard finding that balance though so I opted for normal panties. Nothing too sexy but not too old spinster either. Just plain, normal panties.

"Twenty three," Brad answered me.

"Oh my fuck. And you're going to a frat party? People are gonna call you grandpa. Maybe we should go play bingo somewhere?" I teased him.

"You know, Gwen, it's really not cool pissing on someone's self esteem like that. I happen to be a very hot grandpa. I can still get it with the middle aged women," Brad shot back.

"Sure, you can. Don't forget to take your blue pill, old man," I snorted.

"I think we both know I don't need that," he said and I couldn't help but look at him when he said that. My inner dog was on fire and I kept wishing I'd opted for the granny panties but I couldn't go back now. I was afraid for my life since we were both still sober at this point. Damn you Jill with your stupid essay.

"Whatever you say," I said after clearing my throat and thoughts.

"In fact, I'm already sporting a burgerboner," he mentioned.

I stopped walking to think that through. What the hell did he just say? "Either you're attracted to burgers or..." I said. Brad looked amused at my haunted expression. "God dammit, finish my fucking sentence because you're coming across really creepy right now."

Brad burst out in laughter. "I don't even wanna know what's going through your head right now," he said. He didn't want to know what was going through my head most of the time, I was sure of that. "I was just saying I could eat a burger."

"Really? It didn't sound like you were saying that," I raised my eyebrow, indicating I didn't really believe him.

"I'm serious! Whenever I'm having drinks I start craving burgers. So now when I know there are gonna be drinks in the near future, I already feel like eating a burger. Kinda like Pavlov, you know?" Brad explained.

"You're comparing yourself to a dog now? That's great," I deadpanned. At least we had something in common now. I felt the same with panties though. Whenever I was wearing sexy panties, I was anticipating sexy times. So now I start to feel horny whenever I wear them. Hence, why I had such a panty dilemma earlier.

"You're a bully," Brad fake pouted.

"So are we going for burgers or not? I could eat," I suggested.

"Yes! I know a great place!" he said and started telling me about this place with all kinds of burgers. I had a suspicion he knew the entire menu from heart but I kinda zoned out after he was describing the third burger. There was only so much burger talk I could handle and I'd reached my limit.

By the time we arrived, I felt like I'd already eaten one. I ordered one with extra bacon and cheese with chili fries and went to sit down because Brad's order took a while. Apparently, he also ate like a dog. It was such a contrast between the salad he'd been eating earlier.

"You've already started?" He asked me when he took a seat opposite me.

"Dude, I'm not gonna wait. I don't like a cold burger," I said right before taking another huge bite. The grease was probably dribbling from my chin but I didn't give a shit. This wasn't a date. In fact, the more grossed out Brad was, the easier this would be.