Fading memories// •Shawn Mendes•

•3•

Chapter songs
Willamette stone- Heart like yours The 1975- loving someone
~~~

Rushing over to her bedside where she sits up trying to untangle herself from the mess of cords attached to her body, I hold her small, cold hands inside of mine and give her a reassuring smile.

"Prim, I know you're confused but you need to calm down, your heart rate is getting too high." I say looking nervously at the monitor.

"No Shawn tell me why I'm here, please!?" Her eyes are welling up with tears as she takes a deep breath in.

"Darling, before I tell you- you need to know that everything will be alright and we're getting it under control,"
I can almost hear relief in her breathing. I lean down over her bed pressing a light kiss to her warm forehead.

Taking a seat I take in a deep breath before raking my brain of a way to explain to the love of my life that She has a chronic illness that is causing her memory loss, yeah there's no easy way to say this. "Okay so I guess I'll start out by saying that you're here because while we were at my house- do you remember that?" She shook her head in confusion. I sigh, "well you were lying on my chest while we were watching tv and suddenly your heart stopped," Hold back the tears Shawn. Her eyes go wide, "I tried waking you but nothing was working, so I called the ambulance and now you're here..." Then silence comes over us. She puts a hand over her mouth staring blankly at the wall, not saying one word. I can tell that although she is silent she's trying to fit all the pieces together but she is just as clueless as I am. This is honestly too much for my brain to wrap itself around... I can't even begin to imagine what's going through her's right now.

I look at her with sympathy and love in my eyes. "You need some sleep honey, I'm going to go get myself food and I'll be back in an hour." I announce about to walk out the door but I hear her soft voice asking the one word that I really didn't want to hear nor answer.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I ask knowing full well what she means.

"Why did I pass out, what caused that?" I sigh slowly shutting the door behind me and walking to the bed.

"Prim, you're loosing you're memory." I almost cringe at that thought. She scoffs at me, "you're screwing with me. Right?" I shake my head, "I can't possibly be loosing my memories. I'm not that old yet," her voice cracks, "I've done nothing to myself that would cause this. There's no logical reason to why this would happen! It can't be, I- i don't believe it. Why is this happening Shawn... to me?" Now her cheeks are stained red with tears and her body is shaking. "Babe I don't know why this is happing, but we will be alright. Okay? We'll make it work, whatever helps you-" She stops me, "Stop it Shawn! Don't say it will be alright when you and I both know that it won't!" She yells crossing her arms and looking down at the cold, white bed sheets. I place my hand on her cheek rubbing behind her ear to calm her down, but she takes my hand away, refusing to let me get close to her face. "Please Shawn... Just go. I want to be alone." I nod, carful not to let the threatening tears slide down my cheeks. "You're Mother is on her way, she'll be here in a couple minutes." I whisper shutting the door behind me.

~

tears pouring out of my eyes like a water fall, raindrops hitting the windshield like pebbles shattering glass and street lights glowing off of the wet road, I stop at the red light.

Emptiness: in my mind, in this car and on this road.

I need to breath. I need to take my mind off of this because it's consuming my thoughts.

Thinking of something I can do to distract me from this without putting myself and my relationship with Prim in danger...

Music. I need music.

Not just the same old radio hits, I need to make music. feel the music. I need to let it take me into a different world.

Pulling over into an empty parking lot with just one dim light in the middle I peer into the back of my car to see it. The one thing that will distract me from the reality of my life.

I grab my guitar case, notebook and pen and walk into the 24/7 coffee shop and considering it's 2:30am this is my saving grace.

I open the door and a ring goes off above my head announcing my arrival. I look around and see a Young girl about 20 or so wiping off a table in the corner. She snaps her head in my direction, pushing her glasses up her small nose. "I'll be with you in just a second!" She sings. I walk over to the counter setting my guitar on the ground observing the menu.

Brushing her hands off on her apron she walks behind the counter giving me a warm smile; something that I needed at the moment.

"What can I get for you sir?" She asks, I can hear a slight British accent in her soft voice.
"Just a small green tea and a muffin."
She nods and Takes the money from my hand before telling me it'll be ready in a minute. I find a stool right in front of where she's making my tea.

"So why are you all the way out here at 3am?" She asks with slight curiosity in her eyes. "This," I say pointing to my guitar, "I just needed to get away from some stuff for a bit." I answer her. "Ah, I see. That's impressive that you play, I could never learn. Lets just say i'm not musically gifted." She winks at me. I laugh at her statement. "Here ya go," She says sliding my tea and muffin over the counter. "Have a nice night, I wanna hear you play sometime." She tells me. "Sure thing, thank you!" I say walking out the door trying to push that girl out of my mind.

~

I find a spot near a beautiful lake a couple of minutes away from the coffee shop. It's always been my place to get away from the world and just play guitar. I find a place right by the water and my fingers immediately start playing it, I could play it in my sleep, guitar is like second nature to me.

I admire the breath taking view in front of my eyes, the water has a perfect reflection of the bright white moon while trees surrounded me and the nippy air made the hair on my neck stand up. This place is simply beautiful.

I think it's more of somewhere that I don't have to worry about my demons. They all disappear here.

After about an hour of mindlessly strumming the rough strings of the instrument in my arms I notice my eyes feeling heavy and before I know it I'm falling asleep to the sound of crickets chirping and the hum of ruffling pine trees. And for the first time today. I don't feel any pain. 

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Hello friends. Yet again I am updating super late but I felt inspired😂 I hope you enjoy this trash, xoxo