Poetry Collection

Frozen

Frozen

The fear trickles in like an ever present leak

Annoying and unyielding

Drip drop

drip drop

Tears stain my cheeks in the unpleasant way crying makes you look

Snotty and ratty, a child with flushed cheeks

Sniffling and alone in a dark room with no thoughts of light

Will my heart break again?

Most likely

Hearts are always prepared to break

although I think this time will be the last

My heart already holds so many scars

Everyone wants something

But only one thing seems to repeat above all else

How do I hold my head high and walk ahead?

When they pull me back down expecting me to give in

Willingly?

I don't think so

I refuse to become prey to their predator like stares

Their sweet words that hold no meaning

But a hidden meaning

A darkness one can only run from for so long

But will I give in?

Will his words be different?

Or will he wait like I feel I deserve

I'm scared that he won't

I'm fearful of the time where he will leave me

Just like the others

All because I wanted to wait

Aren't I special enough to wait though

To give myself fully to my husband

Isn't that fair?

For him to know no other man has seen me like this

That I am completely and utterly his

Most don't see it that way

I'm just prudish, a tease

If a man sleeps with many he has conquered

But a girl is just another whore

There's never a middle ground

we save it

We're a bitchy prude

We give it away we're whores

But I'm neither

I save it because I made a promise

A promise that no man will treat me the way I was treated in the past

It's the one thing I know has no scars yet

The only pure thing I can give my husband

So I sit here with tears as I look at the request

From the person I thought might be the one

He asked me for the one thing I can't give because he just can't wait

He doesn't want me he wants what I can give

Except it's not his

I will decide who gets to have it

Because I never chose my other scars

And I won't add this one to the list

But as I sit here broken at the words on a screen

I know it's just one more wound to sew shut

A new scar

But for right now

I am frozen