30 Day Letter Challenge

Dear Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I appreciate you for making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me. I appreciate you for watching over me as I grew to be the person I am today, but most of all, I want to thank you the most for bringing me to this world. This may sound cheesy but I really do. 

But dad there are some things that you must know. When we moved here to where we live now. You were such a nice guy, coming home every weekend so we can spend it with our family. You would say thank you, and please like it was part of your life. Now, I hardly ever see you. You always go to the casino and stay there for days. You say it's for work, but I know most of the time, you're just there for games. And I also want you to realize that smoking is bad for you. Smoking kills. You may have heard it more times then needed but it's true... It does kill you. And you know what? It kills people around you as well. I can't even stand sitting in the same room as you because of the smoke that I constantly smell on you. 

Mom, I know that you care about my study, and I care as well. But do you really think that I will do any better if you keep hitting me and comparing me to my brother? Do you think that motivates me to do better? If you honestly think it does, your making a big mistake. Honestly, the beating just really hurts and sometimes I keep wondering if you love me. And my brother, we are completely different people. He likes games, I like outdoors. He loves science, I despise the subject. He hates language arts, and I love that class. He's a straight A student, I'm a B+ to A student. There are many other parents that would congratulate me for the grades that I am able to keep. Is it because we're Asian? Does the Asian 'ness' within make you do that? because comparing does nothing to me but make me feel like I can't accomplish anything even when I try my hardest, I feel like I'm just some piece of trash that people kick on the street. In other words, I'm useless. 

I do love you both dearly, but at times I just feel like I'm just not worth living. You don't even know the true me. You don't even know how many times I've thought of dying after you beatings mom, you don't know how many nights I have gone to bed crying because I thought you didn't like our family. A family can't always be filled with good things, there really is no such thing as a perfect family, but I feel like we aren't even close to being a normal family. 

I hop someday, you will realize these things and fix it...

Love you always

xxx

Shadowlove