Star Crossed Lovers

~Chapter 8 - Sophia~

So many months have passed since I'd last seen Micah. It hurt too damn much to see him after he broke my heart. I needed time to think, time to heal, and time to be away from him so I could reassess my feelings.

Unfortunately, in all that time, I spent thinking about Micah. I couldn't shake him or the feelings I was having for him. Why couldn't I?

I've loved before, very deeply, but I was always able to move passed everything. I was even engaged once to a man I thought I'd spent the rest of my life with and then that ended. I moved on. This things with Micah is different. My feelings for him run deeper than I could have ever imagined. How can you come back from something like that?

But I needed to; Micah is married.
Micah making was making it even impossible for me to try move on. He just wouldn't leave me alone. I suppose I should answer him, tell him everything, but would it do any good for me to do that? We may just end up falling back comfortably in our routine.

I guess maybe, in the end, it was better just to ignore Micah all together. Maybe he would get the hint that it was over. Why couldn't he see that? Micah was the one who wanted it that way? He couldn't have his cake and eat it too. It just did not work that way.

If Micah felt anything for me, and I believe he did, he should understand how I feel.

My family, on the other hand, was worried for me because I never left my apartment, but as much as they wanted to help me, they knew I had to help myself through this.

My PR thought it was time to intervene. She suggested that I date other men to get my mind off of Micah. That was a bust. The men I was set up with weren't interested in me or were scared off because of the movie. I kept spending the time comparing them to Micah. It was the little things that got me. Their noses were to perfect. They didn't have a beard or that cute, sweet smile that lit up the room, nor did they have an adorable walk.

Why did I even bother? The man I wanted was not available and I was gonna be alone.

A beard, someone to be seen with publically, but not necessarily dating, was presented to me by my PR. He was a rocker wannabe; not my type at all. My PR insisted I go against type to make to keep the press off of me. That backfired; it only put more focus on me. Most fans knew it wasn't a real relationship, but there were a few that held on, hoping it was real. All my fans really wanted was for me to be happy.

At first being with Matthew was fun, going out and living, but then the guy seemed to want more from me, and I just wasn't ready to give any more than I already was giving.

After a few months of being with him just made me even lonelier. I stuck it out till Halloween, then the ass dumped me.

The next day after the "break up" happened, I went on Twitter to see what fans had to say - still held on to the hope Micah and I were going to be together. They believed we were alike in so many ways that we were soulmates. I wish so much that they were right.

My mind drifted back to seven months ago, the day after filming had ended. I was still in New York then. It was cold and dreary and I sat in front of my fire, watching the flames, memorized at how pretty they were. They were a golden, orangey color.

As I sat in front of the fire, it did not feel warm to me. It was cold. I felt cold; cold and dreary like the day. Numb. That was what I was feeling. Numb to everything.

With a sigh, I stood up, and moved to my window seat overlooking Central Park, sitting down, and making myself comfortable. My mind had been on Micah all day, even in my dreams. I kept seeing that smile of his and the way his eyes crinkled when he did so. When he was happy, you knew it. You felt it.