Talk Me Down

Authors note
This is the first fanfiction that I have published. So feedback is more than welcome. Just don't be rude about it. This one I wrote really late at night as well. So there's that. It is more on the angsty side. Thank you so much for reading my story. And please check out Troye Sivan's music if you haven't already.
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"I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow
I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone"

For awhile Merlin had been starting to spiral further inside himself. He didn't like to think that Arthur's constant teasing was part of his problems, but he could tell it was. He always made sure to keep up appearances and act as if nothing was happening, even though he felt empty inside.
     He felt worthless, and alone. It seemed that he could do no right in the eyes of those closest to him and eventually it simply killed him inside. And worst of all was the fact that he knew that he should get help, but he didn't want to burden anybodies lives more than he already had been.

"I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down"

     And it didn't help at all that Merlin had accidentally fallen, deeply, in love with the Prince Arthur. It simply added to his torment. Now, not only was he constantly being berated by his prince, he was now being constantly berated by his love.

"I wanna hold hands with you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna get close to you
Cause your hands and lips still know their way around
And I know I like to draw that line, when it starts to get too real
But the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal"

     All Merlin wanted to do was curl up to Arthur and confess all of the things that he had kept bottled up. But he couldn't, and wouldn't, add to the Prince's troubles. And after Arthur's father died Merlin knew that he needed time to adjust.
     The prince's mourning mainly left him wishing for solitude, so Merlin stayed away. Which also made Merlin hurt a little less, to be away from Arthur. It hurt him in a completely different way though. Especially the thought that he could do nothing to ease the prince's pain. How useful could he be if he could not even relieve his prince of that torment.

"I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down
(talk me down)"

     And even though Merlin did not want to admit it to himself, he could feel himself losing the battle raging in his head. Already, he had given in to the temptations of a blade. And felt himself creep closer and closer to the edge, as the days went on.

"So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line
Stuck on the bridge between us
Gray areas and expectations
But I'm not the one if we're honest, yeah
But I wanna sleep next to you
And I wanna come home to you
I wanna hold hands with you
I wanna be close to you"

     And now that Arthur was being crowned king Merlin truly felt himself give in to his mind. He had finally ceased to be of any use. Arthur was likely to marry Gwen, even though her heart belonged to Lancelot. And Merlin would simply cease to be of any use to the ones he loved.

     So, the week after Arthur's coronation. Merlin took a horse and set out to find a cliff. He figured that would be a good way to go. It seemed fit that he would just disappear with the tide, that his body would never be found. Nobody would notice his disappearance anyway, so why leave a body.

     He didn't know that the new king had already noticed his change in mood over the last week. And immediately realized the disappearance of his favorite servant. So he rode out less than an hour after Merlin. And since Merlin wasn't worried about being discreet in his ride Arthur knew exactly where to go.

"But I wanna sleep next to you
And that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
So come over now and talk me down
(talk me down)"

     Merlin arrived near the cliff and tied his horse loosely to a tree. Making sure that it would be able to break free when it got hungry. At first he simply say on the edge. Not quite ready to say goodbye to the view. Or to Arthur. But eventually he stood up. Ready to take his final steps.

     The roar of the waves below was so loud, and he was so caught up in his own head, that he did not even hear the galloping horse behind him. Nor did he notice when the king slowly walked up behind him, trying to figure out what he was planning to do.

     And he took the step, except that he did not feel the drop. He felt two arms around him, pulling him back. He did not put up a fight, trying to finish the deed. Some part of him still wanted to live and he was more than welcome to talk to someone for awhile about his problems.

     Then he realized that the person that held him was Arthur. And he was simply confused, he must have been hallucinating from the lack of food that he refused to eat. He didn't want to get his hopes up that his Arthur really was there to save him. But there he was, and he looked at Merlin like he had lost the love of his life.

"Merlin, what are you doing?"

"Nothing you need concern yourself with, sire."

"Well it looks like I have plenty of reason for concern. It looked like you were about to throw yourself off of a cliff. If I hadn't been here," his voice broke towards the end and it looked as if he would begin to cry. He was still holding Merlin around the waist. Making sure he wouldn't go for the cliff again.

"Sire, no man is worth your tears. Especially not someone like me. I'm just a simple manservant. You are the king, and I am nothing compared to you. So many people need you, and you are going to help so many people. I can't seem to help those that I hold dear, while you can help many with an order. Nobody needs me. I just don't want to be a burden anymore."

"I need you. I need you. Don't you dare say that you are not needed when I know for a fact that that is wrong. And you're not just some simple manservant, you are so important to me. And if there is anyone that my tears are worthy of it is you. I could not be the king I am without you. I love you so much, Merlin, you don't understand."

    And they kissed like it was the last day of their lives. Because it almost was, but Arthur would make sure that it would never happen again. And when they fell into bed Arthur made sure to kiss every scar that had been inflicted upon Merlin from the damned blade. He would make sure that Merlin did recover, even if it took the rest of their lives. And Arthur would make sure that he never felt unloved.

                          The End