I woke up as the early morning sunlight streamed from my bedroom window. I could see the pattern of the window pane on the hardwood floor of my room. It felt really early. I rolled over onto my side to read the time on my alarm clock
"6:45" it read.
I groaned and rolled back onto my stomach and closed my eyes again. I was almost asleep when I heard the sound of a suitcase rolling down the hall and thump down the stairs into the front entrance way of my house. That was odd. Mom and I had never gone anywhere. Especially after the accident had happened. We hadn't done anything since what had happened.
All that Mom ever did these days was sit wrapped up in Savannah's old, tattered baby blanket with teddy bears printed on it and stare out the window into space ignoring me completely. She had a blank expressionless face as she stared out the window. she only got up to refill her coffee, eat or use the bathroom. Other than that she stayed in her chair.
She didn't even seem remotely interested in me. She didn't feed me once that week. So for that whole week I ate mostly frozen macaroni and cheese, saltine crackers, and cereal. Mom didn't even seem to care that her own daughter was slowly, but surely becoming skinnier and skinnier as the week progressed on.
Finally, mom seemed interested in something that involved staring off into space and going to her own little world for the hours on end. It was nice that she was not acting all depressed for once. Maybe we were getting to go on a vacation together. It would be the first time in a long time. We both needed a vacation. It was long over due.
I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. Even if we were going in a vacation, it was way too early to be leaving anywhere. I stood up and padded down the stairs. I hoped I would have at least some time to pack. Mom was standing in the front entrance, fiddling with her large, black suitcase. It looked to me as if she had packed in as much clothes and belongings as she could into it. Didn't she know I'd be taking a suitcase too?
"Morning, Mom!" I said cheerfully. Mom said nothing in response to this. Okay, this was getting weird. "Uh, Mom? Where are we going?" I asked casually. Maybe she hadn't heard me. Maybe she had her headphones on or something. But this was a stupid thought, because I knew for a fact that Mom hardly ever listened to music. And especially not while dragging a suitcase down the stairs at 6:45 AM.
I decided not to beat around the bush. I went over and tapped her on the shoulder. "Mom? What's going on?"
Mom turned around, tears brimming in her blue eyes. I knew at that exact moment that there wasn't going to be a vacation. "Emma, I can't......do this anymore." Mom said, looking down at her suitcase. No wonder it looked so fat and bumpy. She had packed almost everything in it, I realized.
"Do what anymore, Mom?" I asked.
"Stay here. With you. There's just too many bad memories, and I can't....I can't do it anymore." She started wheeling her suitcase out the door.
"But Mom!" I cried, running after her. This was NOT happening. Mom opened the trunk of the car and began lifting her suitcase up into it. "Who's gonna take care of me? Who's gonna love me?"
Mom sighed and closed the trunk. "You're old enough to be on your own, Emma." She came around and stared at me for a moment. "Emma, I do love you, but I need to do what's best for me, and leaving this life here is what's best for me."
I scoffed. "Then take me with you!" How could she just abandon me when I needed her most?
Mom shook her head. "You remind me too much of Savannah. I need to forget this life, Emma."
"I'm your daughter, Mom! You can't just leave and forget all about me! You can't erase me from your memory!" I shouted.
But nothing I said seemed to matter to Mom. She just raised her eyebrows and got in the car. With one last look at me and our house, she started the car.
