i'm sad;

[ghost]

[4/25/06]

Just as the sun exploded and all existence was lost, Evan's alarm began to blare. He was instantly pulled out of his video game and thrown into the real world. He growled and slid the alarm notification on his phone, silencing it.

"Fuck." Evan whispered to himself, as his head fell into his arms and he realized that he had been awake for two days almost.

Evan sat for a moment and pondered on his options. He could skip school, or he could plead "mental health" and go to the counselor, which would excuse him from his work if he stayed long enough. But it wasn't that Evan wasn't depressed... because he definitely was. Evan had been taught from an early age that you cannot give up. But now, things were different.

[the death 7/15/05]

"Mom. I'm going out with the guys tonight," Ethan said smirking and smiling at Evan. The two twins kicked each other under the table.

Marydith looked hesitantly at her two sons, "Evan," she turned her head toward him, "Are you going as well?"

Evan smiled big, trying to convince his mom by looking cute, "Mmmmhmmm. We're gonna spend the night at Cam's"

She played with the pasta on her plate, "Okay. Don't forget to charge your phones. Just in case I need to get a hold of you two."

Ethan kicked Evan hard under the table and Evan scoffed. Marydith turned her head and smiled slightly. Ethan and Evan rinsed their plates and headed up stairs to grab clothes as well as the booze they had bought with fake ID's two months before. By "Cam's house" they meant a rave that they had bought exclusive tickets to, also two months before.

Ethan and Evan both said their goodbyes to their mom and headed to Ethan's car. Evan automatically got out his phone and texted Cam explaining that they would meet up with him in about an hour, after they had picked up the other guys, Jack, and Daniel. Cam replied instantly as well as happily. Everything was falling into place and no one could wait to be partying in a rave with hot girls and endless drugs.

Ethan turned the music up louder and headed towards Cam's house. The music was so loud that it shook the car, and Evan started to dance and make ridiculous jokes. Evan loved to make people laugh especially when it came to his friends. Daniel and Jack hysterically laughed at Evan's goofy jokes while Ethan carelessly drove, speeding through neighborhood streets.

They stopped to pick up Cam and he got in the car saying hello to everyone and trying to fit in the back of Ethan's Cavalier. They started to head toward the highway so that they could take the exit closest to the back roads that led to the hot desert of southern Nevada. As Ethan continued to drive he began to get bored and paid less attention to the road. It's the back roads, nothing bad could happen right?

"I fuckin' hate this song." Evan exclaimed.

Jack grabbed a CD case he found on the ground and passed it forward  to Evan in the front seat. "Here bro."

Evan took it and started shuffling through CD's of old indie bands. "Ethan, these bands suck."

Ethan pulled the CD's out of Evan's hand growing slightly annoyed, "Here, let me see."

As he pulled for an album a semi began to head towards the car. Evan yelled out in terror, "DUDE WATCH THE ROAD!"

Ethan looked up to see only the piercing beams of the semi's headlights.

[present day, 4/25/06]

"How did you sleep," Jan asked.

Evan looked at his thumbs. They danced around each other. "I slept well," He lied.

Jan thought for awhile, "And you've been taking your meds?"

"They don't help. It's all just the same thing." Evan looked her directly in the eyes and noticed her concerned expression.

"Evan we talked about this-" Evan cut her off.

"I know, I'll take them" I just feel so, tired. His eyes trailed off into the plants that Jan kept in her room. Since the accident Evan had been coming to Jan to "talk out his emotions" or so, his mom called it.  Evan continued to stare at the potted plants. There were small trees, aloe plants, some cactus' and some violets, as well as some roses. He wondered about each one and how they ended up here. A small one on her desk, a couple bigger plants on the floor next to the door and even some hanging from the ceiling.

Evan quickly turned his head towards Jan once more, "Can I do my work in here today?"

Jan looked at Evan. She still had the most scared look on her face. But Evan had seen it before, he wasn't going to hurt himself. He had told Jan multiple times before that he wouldn't harm himself, and yet she had still put on her most concerned face. Jan furrowed her eyebrows, "I would prefer that you go home today,"

Evan had a sudden realization, "I can't miss anymore school, Jan"

She grinned slightly, "I'll go to your teachers and collect your work for today. Make yourself comfortable."

Evan got up and lay on the couch that Jan kept in her room. He surrounded himself with throw pillows and began to read. Evan never wanted to be this way. He always pictured his Senior year to be the most fun year of his life. He pictured himself on the football team, scoring the winning point. People would cheer and he would just smile. But no, here he was. Sprawled out on the school counselor's sofa, avoiding all contact with human being's. And most of all, avoiding his past.

Because that's what Evan was always running from. Since the accident, he hadn't made any effort to contact any of his friends. He would run at any situation that put him in contact with them. Because it was only Ethan who died. Not Jack, and not Cam, it was Ethan. And Evan couldn't confront that. How could god take his twin brother away from him, and only him.

[authors note]
Hey guys thanks for reading the first chapter of my book! I'm really excited for what I have planned for the story and I hope you guys continue to read and vote. I'll see you in the next chapter.