Every one knows the story of the great Saint Patrick, but the story no one has told is of his evil cousin, Patty. She hated that goody cousin of hers so she decided to make him miserable by brutally murdering his friends and his love. She decapitated them. Slit the pale, delicate throats. Stab them aggressively and ferociously bashed their brains in with a shilale. She went blood crazy until there was no one left. Patrick knew all along it was her. Her family was devastated and exquisitely disappointed with her so they disowned the wench. From then on she was no longer called Saint Patty, but Patty Splatty.
