You Are My Earth

/2/

I woke up and stretched feeling the urge to punch someone, this was a new feeling to me. I turned and saw I was in a different room than usual oh yeah I was in LA now. Things are different now apparently since it decided to come here. I'm with Nick living in his apartment for almost a week now and seeing Jordan almost every weekend because you know work. I have the strange feeling now it is that things are going to change for either Better or For Worse, due to what Jordan had done in the past I don't know if I can trust him now in the present and what might happen in the future.

Nick has been pressuring me to talk to lately and we all know that I do not like to talk especially about my feelings or just in general. I like to sing and that's what I usually will do at night when I feel sad or when I'm just out and about and bored and Nick doesn't like that he wants me to talk about my feelings but I want him to this shut up and let me do what I want to do. I guess that's what makes me and Nick different he wants me to talk and I don't want to or more of, he wants me to communicate and I want him to stop communicating to me.

I got up out of my bed and stretched God I hate the feeling of this new place but I hated the feeling of the old place I was at. I walked over to the bathroom and open the door feeling the cold metal on my hand as I turn the knob. I walked in the cold tiles made my feet Shiver I close the door and turned on the faucet washing my face as I usually do in the morning. I stripped of all of my clothing and I turned on the shower I look at myself in the mirror, disgusting. Everything around me seems to be more beautiful than I am but I guess that's just my point of view the world around me. In my mind I'm the most disgusting thing that has ever survived and never will survive. But I am I even surviving? Things seem to be so different nowadays. Everything hurts. My side and got in the shower feeling the cold Rush of water and then it turned warm. I always liked really hot water I like the way I felt against my skin I love the way it felt when it burned. I felt like the burning sensation I had once felt for Jordan when we were in love and High School. I showered washing my hair very thoroughly then just at the bottom of the tub contemplating life like I usually do. But nowadays I've been thinking more more about death than anybody would ever think that I would. Nikki Sonoma is a happy girl same as Jordan but nowadays he just keeps pushing me away because I am who I am now, sad.

I got out of the shower and got dressed very quickly and then walk down the stairs and met Nick and Jordan while they were making breakfast I don't eat I guess that's just the way I am who even eats anymore anyways? I smiled at them and sat down at the breakfast bar taking a glass of orange juice and sipping it slowly. Nick looked at me with a questioning look and I just not it not really knowing what he meant. I looked at Jordan, and he looked at me and I felt myself blush as if my entire face is turned inside out and read do something. Not really good analogies to stay am I? I looked around, and notice the way the Sun going through the window making the cupcakes from table that me and Nick it made the day prior look extremely beautiful. And then I saw the way the sun gleamed off of Jordan's face and his beard and his beautiful eyes, he was just so beautiful. Why can't I have him. Why did he break up us before I left?

The world just seemed as if it was falling apart for me today things are so cold around me and my brain was slowly deteriorating with the thought that I was nothing. And that the thought that I would not survive. And the time that I once wanted to die and now I am feeling it again and again and again and again and again. I want to die and that's just how it is.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked me.