Rose.

She's the Epitome of Self Hate.

"I'll be home late, Caleb," Rose said, putting on her jacket. "Don't wait up for me."

"Okay..?" I looked up at her, my reply being more a question than an answer.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Rose." I said softly and she walked out the door.

I knew about Rose's addiction. I have for a while. She's addicted to coke and her sister Anna told me once that Rose dabbled in heroin.

Rose thought I didn't know, and I kept it on the down low that I actually did.

I know when she attempts quitting because her hands get shaky and I know when she starts again because she looks like a mess.

Then again, she always looks like a mess.

Rose was a lady of secrets. She kept everything in her life a secret- at one point I was a secret.

I knew if she really unveiled her problem, we could get her help easily, but she never would.

Drug addiction/drug use is frowned upon but on social media it makes you "aesthetic" or "badass"

Don't lie to yourself nor others.

Drug use and addiction is a serious problem that ends lives.

It doesn't make anyone aesthetic or badass.

Because if you look at people living in alleyways shooting up, are they badass? Are they aesthetic?

No.

They're not "beautifully tragic" either.

They're usually homeless because of their drug problems and they feel as if drugs give them meaning.

I know for a fact Rose thinks she has more meaning to her life because of the cocaine, it even takes up her time, giving her something to do with her nights.

It's not good, it's not even bad, it's horrible.

And I can't converse with her about the problem because she'll get defensive and she'll snap at me for "getting into private business."

It's heartbreaking knowing that she's basically destroying herself and I can't do anything about it.

Maybe her mom could, maybe even Anna, but me? No. Rose loves me, yeah, but I'm sure she loves her cocaine more.

And that's why I worry, that's why I don't do whatever I could be doing when she leaves because A) I love her too much, I'd give you B) but there isn't a second reason. I am madly in love with a girl named Rose, and she loves her cocaine more than she could ever love me.