Just a Tweet

Chapter 3

I don't know how Zach and I are going to tell molly. I think that she will be mad or happy. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation but whatever. The day will come when it comes but I don't want Molly to find out in a bad way because she may react bad but oh well. 

Molly's POV

I wake up to the birds chirping, the sun shining and the smell of bacon through flowing through put the house, I wish. Today it is raining and cloudy and there is not breakfast being made, sadly. I hate when it rains because it reminds me of  sadness and depression that I had. Know one really knows except my family and Sam. Sam is the only non-family member who knows because I trust her.

I remember when I started to get depressed. I didn't know why I was feeling so sad and down all of the time. I told my family and they said that they would take me to see someone as soon as possible which was my elementary school counselor because my family knew that I trusted him and that i would be honest with him no matter what because we have always have had that kind of connection. I was so happy when i found out that it was him. His name was Mr. Shrouder.

Basically Mr. Shrouder told me that I was depressed. That word scared me so much. I hated that word because I really didn't know the real true meaning of depression. I thought it mean that someone was so sad that they can't be happy and they hurt themselves. But then I found out the real meaning.

Depression- feelings of severe despondency and dejection

Then I wasn't so scared of that word. Saying it still makes me cringe. I ask Mr. Shrouder why I was depressed. He said it was because of anxiety. The anxiety started when over one test. This one test determined my entire education. I was so nervous that I got severe anxiety then depression.

Anxiety- a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

That word didn't scare me so much. I still didn't get why anxiety made me have depression. My depression got worse and worse as well as my anxiety. I didn't know what to do. Mr. Srouder just told me why I have it and not so much how to handle it sadly.

As my depression got worse and my anxiety right along with it, I started to get weaker and weaker. My mind was taking over my body, my actions, my happy thoughts. Very few things made me smile, laugh, get my mind off of all of the bad.

I didn't know what to do. I was lost in sad thoughts. My grades dropped. I lost friends. I lost my amazing relationship with Mark and Sam. No one seemed to notice that I was down and sad.

One day. One day I thought my life would get better. That day didn't come soon enough. I remember looking at myself in the mirror. I was thinking why. Why was I so sad. Why was I so anxious. Why was my life falling apart. I looked over in the corner of my bath tub and I saw something. Something that might relive the pain and sorrow.

I walked over. Bent down. Reached out my hand. I picked up the magical thing that could help me. A razor. I was shaking. Sweating. But I had this sudden rush of excitement as I told the head of the razor. Some how broke the frame to have the fresh and new blades fall out. I picked on up at stared at it. I lowered it to my wrist.

One cut for depression.

Two cuts for anxiety.

Three cuts for loosing Mark.

Four cuts for loosing Sam.

Thats it. Four painful, enjoyable cuts freshly made across my wrist. Tears falling. Blood dripping. My life falling apart. I was happy. Watching myself in the mirror, smile for the first time in months. I was happy. The pain was gone. I got rid of it, in the wrong way.

Later in the year; about 2 months later, I was cutting everyday. All the way up my arm, then the other. I knew it was wrong but I loved watching myself be in pain. Bleeding. It was so wrong. I needed help and I needed help bad.

Later that week I got the app. Younow. I randomly downloaded it. I don't know why. I clicked on it, then logged in. That day, that minute, completely changed my life. It was the first time I saw Zach. Zachary Reed Clayton.

I clicked on his broadcast. He was doing the whipped cream challenge. I was laughing. For once in almost a year, I was laughing. I was happy. I was excited. I got the same rush I got when I cut myself. I knew that there was something about him that changed me in a good way.

I started to watch Zach daily. Everyday I would smile, laugh, and most important, not cut. I stopped cutting because of this one 14 year old who changed my life completely. I thought it was all a dream but it wasn't. It was reality. A good reality.

My relationship got better with Mark and Sam. My grades improved so much. I never thought I was going to be happy. I never thought I was going to stop cutting. I thought one day I would o it enough to the point that I would hurt bleed, pass out, and die.

It was like my mind turned on this switch that made me smile and be happy. I knew that it was Zach. He made me happy. He changed my life and I love him for that.

Basically after I thought that, I grabbed my phone and see the best thing anyone could ask for. It was a text from Zach. The text said...

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Hey y'all! I'm in Florida right now so I wrote this last week. I'm gonna update on Thursday as well:)) - Mallory