Four Years... (On Hold)

27. Alan

- Alan please! Look at me!

Elijah's friend was sitting on the floor in his bedroom, motionless and almost curled up in a ball, his hands crossed behind his neck. They had walked silently from the Grassi-Kaplan's house to Elijah's, headed to his bedroom after a quick stop in the kitchen for Lij to grab some water, and since then Alan had been like this, looking miserable.

- I don't understand, muttered the teen. What did I do wrong to make him run away like this?

- You did nothing wrong! It's not about you! I'm not sure that I know all of it myself, but enough to tell you it has nothing do to with you.

- His dad said he was afraid to be alone with me!

Elijah sighed deeply.

- Listen. I've been close to Brandon for eight years now. You know as much as me that he's very shy and secretive. This summer... something happened.

- Don't tell me his secrets, I don't want him more upset than he already is about me, muttered Alan.

- I know you really care for him Alan. And I know that you mean something for him, even if it's sill confused in his mind. But I know him. Long story short, this summer, he freaked out inside because he had been hiding from me about him being gay, and he was hiding because he thought he had feelings for me and didn't want to lose my friendship.

Alan untangled his hands from behind his neck and raised his head for the first time since they'd entered the room. His gaze was unreadable.

- So, one day, he ran away to a place only him knew, slipped on some rocks and got hurt. Afterwards, we managed to talk - I make it really short - and we realised together that I was the only person he felt comfortable enough with, that's why he thought he had feelings for me. From then we were able to go back to best friends without any ambiguity. Then you showed up, and he really began to appreciate you. But he still seems to feel uncomfortable with the idea of being close to anyone else but his family and me. I'm sure there's something else, something that even his dads don't know. It's not you Alan. It's some ghost inside of him.

- Ghost?

- During the eight years of our friendship, that's the best way I've found to describe what happens from time to time, in a very unpredictable way. He seems haunted sometimes, and then becomes distant for a while. I've learned to deal with it, to be patient, to be there for him. I can't do more.

Alan remained silent for a while. Elijah respected it. He offered him once again the small bottle of water he had brought for him, and his friend grabbed it and took a sip mindlessly. Then he spoke slowly.

- My parents are moving soon, because of my father's job. They offered me to stay with my aunt and uncle to finish at least this year in this school. They'll come back here eventually, but they don't know when. A year? Two?

After another silence:

- I really care for him you know. But if he's not ready... I think I'm gonna go with them. Go away for a while. Give him space.

- Are you sure? asked Elijah softly, feeling a bit sad.

- Yes. They're moving next weekend. Unless Brandon shows that he finally feels comfortable with me, I'll go. And he will have to show me by himself, I won't try to get close to him. If he needs time, it's okay. I can wait. If he forgets me... well that'll be my problem.

- Are you at least going to let him know that you're going away?

- I don't know... I don't want to put any pressure on him.