Undying Passion

It Hurts To Know

I sat on the side of the huge soaker tub of my brand new bathroom while bouncing my foot up and down.

I looked over at the counter and nothing, these two minutes felt like the longest 2 minutes of my life.

The pregnancy test beeped and I jumped up to look at it. A huge frown spread across my face as it read 'not pregnant' on the test.

I angrily threw it in the trash and ran my hands through my hair. I knew that Ryan would be home soon so I grabbed a light sweatshirt and sat outside on the deck that opened up from our bedroom.

I sat in the rocking chair and pressed my legs to my chest as I rested my chin on my knees. It was warm for late January.

I watched the sun begin to set as I sighed heavily. I wanted a baby more than anything in the world.

I heard a car pull into the drive way about half an hour later and eventually Ryan came into our bedroom.

He walked out onto the deck "hey, it's cold out. Come inside"

I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. "I took another test" I said quietly.

He knelt beside me and rubbed my back with his hand "and?" He asked sounding unsure of what to say.

"Not pregnant" I sighed.

"What number are we up to now?" He asked sadly.

I frowned and bit my lip "this is the sixth test. I can't take this anymore. I'm all sexed out!" I cried into my hands.

I felt him scoop me into his arms and sit down with me on his lap. I rested my head on his chest as I cried into my hands.

"Shhh baby, I know. I want a baby too. Don't cry" he held me closer to him and kissed my forehead.

I inhaled his scent and continued to cry and sniffle "what's wrong with me?!"

He shook his head "nothing! Nothing is wrong with you. We'll see the best fertility specialist in New York. We're having this baby."

"Six tests and nothing. Nothing! I just want my own baby. Everyone has a baby but me!" I cried.

He rocked me in his arms and hugged me tighter. "Let's get you inside, it's cold out honey" he said as he let go of me.

"Please don't let go of me" I pouted as I looked up at him through my teary eyes.

He smiled and wiped my tears away with his thumbs and picked me up in his arms. "I'll run you a bath. You're freezing" he said as he walked into our bedroom while kicking the French doors closed with his foot.

He set me down on the bed and shrugged off his blazer and walked into the bathroom. I heard him start to run the water for the bath as I cried into my hands.

He walked out and pried my hands away from my face "baby please don't cry" he said while kissing my forehead.

He took the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. He pulled my shorts off of me and pulled my underwear off with it.

He unclasped my bra and carried me to the bathroom. He set me in the tub and closed his eyes. "I'll be back" he said.

I sank further into the water as I stared at the bubbles. He came back with a gray shirt on and boxers.