Right By My Side

Ben And Jerry Blues

I had slept for two days straight. When my mum told me that Jay knocked everyday I pretended that I didn't care but I did. I did want to see him. I wanted to say sorry for I how stupid I was. He was only looking out for me. But I was still curious about what he was going to say. I never let him talk. Oh my gosh I still can't believe I slapped him. I acted on impulse. I never act on impulse. I was just so angry. Now I've said all of those things I don't think he'll like let alone love me. I'm so stupid. I should of stopped myself ... Well its done now. The past is the past. I'm going to just have to deal with the consequences. The thought of Jay not talking to me was painful. I would understand if he didn't. I know I deserve it. But I'm hoping that he does

I walked miserably downstairs to the kitchen. My throat is so DRY. I looked through the fridge to find something to drink. There was some orange juice and tropical juice. Hmmm its got to be the tropical juice. It was a mission to find a cleand glass. When I finished I looked around for my mum who had magically disappeared.

"MUM"

.... silence ....

"MUUUUM!" I bellowed my voice echoing through the empty house.

Where has this woman gone. She was probably out getting totally smashed with her 'girlfriends'. She didn't even tell me she was going out. Ugh. My mum is not mum material. But she did miss her partying years because I was born so I couldn't really blame her. My mum had me when she just turned 19. I guess its not as bad as being 16 and pregnant but its still not good. She said that she was so happy when she had me but I know deep down inside she was secretly pissed that she had to stay at home while all her friends went out and partyed. So, now that I'm old enough to look after myself she goes out all the time. My mums now 35 so she's not too old to be partying but I'd rather she'd just be a normal stay at home mum. But I guess she's making up for lost time. I went into the lounge and switched on the tv and like always there was nothing good on. Movie marathon it is then. I searched through the endless movies stacked up on tht shelves until I came to one I wanted to watch. Harry Potter. No. Green Lantern. Naaa. Titanic. At the time I thought it would make my life seem so much better. But instead it made it worse. Instead of seeing Jack and Rose I saw me and Jay. So I sat through the whole film sobbing while eating a big tub of Ben and Jerrys ice cream with a soup ladle. Just as it came to the end I had to change it because it started becoming all to real and if I saw Jay drowning I would totally freak out. The only thing that the film made me realise other than sadness is that I didn't want to lose Jay. My life and Titanic were too similar. I knew that in the end that if I didn't fix this ... I would lose Jay forever.