Bleeding Heart | REMUS LUPIN

Chapter Two

"It's, er... it's dinner time... Did you want to go to the Great Hall, or...?" Remus asked kindly.

"No," said Ivory hoarsely.

She had long since stopped crying when her eyes had dried up and she had run out of tears to cry. Her throat hurt and she felt numb all over. The last thing she wanted to do was move.

"Do you want one of us to bring some food back to you or anything?" he asked, gesturing to his friends.

"No."

He sighed, exhaling deeply. "Do you want us to get someone? Lily? Alice? Marlene?"

"No."

He sat down next to Ivory on his own bed. "What do you want?" he asked patiently.

Her face screwed up and she felt herself about to cry again. What she really wanted... were her parents. She hugged her knees to her chest. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes to stop the tears from coming and attempted to calm herself down.

"G-go ahead," she said finally. She had been able to stop herself from crying all over again, though her voice shook badly. "Y-you should all g-go t-t-to dinner."

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked.

Ivory nodded and rested her chin on her knees. Remus stood up.

"You can stay here if you want," James suggested to Ivory, though she hadn't made any indication whatsoever that she planned on leaving.

She gulped and nodded again.

Sirius, Peter and James moved towards the door hesitantly, feeling mildly guilty to leave Ivory alone. Remus, on the other hand, stayed rooted to the spot, his eyes on Ivory. He watched her, unblinking.

"Moony, are you coming?" James asked, turning back to look at his friend.

"I—you guys go ahead—I'll—I'll catch up with you later," he said carefully without taking his eyes off of Ivory.

Ivory, who hadn't been listening to anything they were saying, didn't even notice that she wasn't alone until she looked up and saw him. His golden-brown eyes were wide and sympathetic—Ivory was tired of seeing sympathy in people's eyes.

The scars on Remus's face were particularly prominent due to the lighting of the dormitory. For a moment, Ivory let her eyes trail over his scarred face.

"Why are you s-staying with me?" she asked him, her voice thick with emotion.

He gave her a pointed look and sat down next to her once again. He didn't answer.

"You feel b-bad for me," she stated. Her auburn hair was plastered to her face with tears. "Well, I don't want sympathy. I'm tired of it already."

"No you're not," said Remus. "Sympathy isn't a bad thing, because if people feel sorry for you, at least it shows that they care."

A tear fell down Ivory's face. "Remus," she whimpered, hot tears searing her cheeks, "I f-feel so alone... so entirely alone... That's the th-thing ab-b-bout parentsーyou've never known a world without them... You're b-b-born into the w-w-world and you n-never know what life w-will ever be l-like w-w-without them, b-b-because they're al-always just there, and you t-take that for gr-gra-granted... and then th-they j-j-just d-die, and they're j-just gone, just l-like that... and suddenly you're alone again, and y-you've got n-no one else..."

Remus's face bore a pained expression as he looked at the girl sitting next to him. He reached forwards and put his arms around her, hugging her.

Ivory was surprised at first by his actions, but she let herself melt into Remus and cried onto his shoulder.

"Shhh, Ivory, I'm so sorry..." he said, unsure what else to tell her. "It's going to get better."

"No it w-won't!" she hiccoughed. "They're never going to come back... I don't want to live anymore..."

"Ivory, please, stop saying that," Remus whispered, his eyebrows knitted tightly together. "Please don't say your life isn't worth living... You're not alone. I promise you, it's going to get better. Just hold on."

Ivory wondered how someone so gentle could be a werewolf.

She had figured it out a long time ago. Remus, James, Sirius and Peter disappeared every full moon since their fifth year, and before that, Remus had been the one disappearing alone. Ivory wasn't sure how she had figured out it, but she had put the pieces together a while ago: the scars on his face, the fact that he was pale around the time of the full moon, how he never missed a single month... Remus Lupin was a werewolf, but she wasn't scared at all. She had known Remus for a very long time and realization had only just dawned on her near the end of last year. She knew that he was kind and had a big heart... and she knew that he would never intentionally hurt someone.

However, she was the only other person besides the four boys who knew.

And she hadn't told a soul.

Ivory pulled away from Remus, feeling lonely almost as soon as she did. She craved human comfort. "Has anyone y-you've known d-d-died?" she asked in an attempt to perhaps be able to relate to Remus.

Remus scratched his chin. "Known? Yes. Loved?... No."

Ivory sighed. "Then how d-do you know it'll get better?"

"Because it's not just deaths that you have to get over," he said, a faraway look in his eyes. "Death is not the only cause of pain for humans... It can be caused by so many other things, as well, though death may be the worst... But we get over everything else that may cause us pain, don't we? No one walks around in their life without any moments of happiness, just as they don't walk around without any moments of sadness. Sometime eventually... it'll all just stop hurting as much..."

His words had made Ivory tear up all over again, because the words were so true... Her hazel eyes moistened and she tried to blink the feeling away. She wanted so badly to believe what he'd said, but as her eyes swept over his face, she realized that some scars never truly healed.