Bleeding Heart | REMUS LUPIN

Chapter Ten

Ivory stood in front of Peter, James, Sirius and Remus in the Gryffindor common room. A few other students looked over at her curiously, most likely trying to figure out the cause of her breakdown the previous night. Ivory took no notice of everyone else and was instead looking at each of the boys, apparently at a loss for words.

She didn't know what to say to them. They had helped her, they had made her feel like her life wasn't over... like it wasn't all a huge mess... like she wasn't a shattered piece of glass that couldn't be mended. Though she felt tired and empty, her heart twisted as she looked at these four boys. She felt an immense rush of affection for all of them and, for once, the words failed her.

Ivory had always had a way with words. She could string them together into phrases and sentences and paragraphs that would resonate through anyone's heart. She could give words their own magic and make them sound beautiful. She always knew what to say and what to write. It was only now that she struggled to find something to say that would be able to express her emotions.

"I just wanted to say," Ivory began, clenching her hands together, "thank you." She gave them a small, genuine smile. It was perhaps the most genuine smile she had managed all day. "You all helped me more than you know." Her voice quivered slightly as she urged herself to continue. "Don't tell the girls, but if anyone could've made me cheer up even a little bit at a time like this, it would be you four."

She threw her arms around a surprised Peter. He tensed up for a moment before relaxing and hugging her back. Ivory pulled away after a few seconds and moved towards James, hugging him as well.

"We're always here for you, Ivory," he told her. "Whenever you need us. Or when you don't need us."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around Sirius. The tall boy lifted her off the ground so that her feet barely skimmed the floor. He put her down and smiled at her once he had released her.

Lastly, Ivory hugged Remus. Her hug with him seemed to last longer than it had with the others and Ivory found herself slightly reluctant to pull away. Perhaps she was simply craving comfort... At the moment, she would need as much of it as she could get. She locked eyes with him before they both looked away as quickly as possible.

Finally, fully prepared to walk up to the girls' dormitory and to explain to Lily, Alice and Marlene what had happened, she turned away. Then she remembered something; she looked down at herself, seeing that she was still wearing Remus's favourite jumper. It had kept her warm from the inside out. She hesitated because she liked it so much and it smelled so good; but since he'd said it was his favourite, she turned back to him.

"I almost forgot," she said, pulling the jumper over her head. She held it out to him, offering him a smile. "Thanks, by the way."

Remus took it from her. He smiled back sheepishly and muttered, "Y-yeah."

Next thing he knew, Ivory had turned on her heel and was darting up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

When Ivory opened the door and stepped into the dormitory she shared with her three best friends, her heart was pounding hard. She tried as hard as she could not to think about her parents. She had to keep her mind away from them, but now she would have to say it out loud again, and it pained her to even think it.

"Ivory!" someone cried, and suddenly, Lily Evans had pulled the girl into her, giving her one of the tightest hugs anyone had ever given her; the kind of hug that only someone who cared with all their heart could ever give.

Ivory thought of her mother. She thought of the hugs that her mother used to give her, of how her mother would sometimes smother her in kisses and she would always playfully tell her to cut it out. What she would give to have that back... And suddenly, tears were involuntarily filling the orphan girl's eyes as she gripped onto Lily.

"What happened? I haven't seen you since yesterday, and I heard talking that something happened to you last night in the common room... that you had some sort of breakdown... Then I had James telling me that you needed to tell me whatever it was yourself and I was so worried. I didn't know what possibly could've happened and you never came to class and... Where were you all day?" Finally taking a breath and pausing the nonstop flow of words spewing from her mouth, Lily pulled away to look at her best friend. She let out a small gasp and covered her mouth with her hand. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"L-Lily..." Ivory sobbed. "They're gone... My p-parents... They're g-g-gone... He's k-killed them and I've been trying to keep mys-s-self from thinking ab-about it all day... I've been t-trying to convince m-myself that I can just disappear into my own l-l-little world and not have to d-d-deal with any of it, but it'll never be better and e-everything is wrong and I'll never be happy a-again..."

"Oh dear..." Lily sighed, looking Ivory straight in the eyes. The tears in Ivory's eyes blurred her vision of Lily's face, but all she could see was the dark red hair and piercing green eyes of her best friend. All of the colours in the room were blurred together in a beautiful mess and Lily was speaking to her, apologizing for things she had no control over and couldn't have done anything about. "I'm sorry, Ivory. I'm so sorry."

All of the fun she'd had earlier today, all of the small laughs she'd managed, all of the forced smiles that had turned into real smiles; everything was drifting away from her.

She and Lily had sat on Ivory's bed. Lily was stroking Ivory's hair. The former had tears forming in her eyes as well. She had known Mr and Mrs Perkins, having spent many summers at their house. They had always been kind to her.

"Why do bad things always happen to good people?" Lily pondered aloud, shaking her head. "It's not fair. It's not fair... Oh, Ivory..."

"I don't kn-know what to believe anymore," she said. "I have no hope left. Every good thing is g-gone."

"Don't think like that," Lily told her softly. "You're so strong. You can get through this."

"I c-can't," Ivory replied in distress.

"Yes, you can," Lily insisted, even though her voice shook with uncertainty. "You won't be alone. You have me and I will always be here for you. It's going to get better. I promise."

"Everyone keeps s-saying th-that," said Ivory, convulsing suddenly in her best friend's arms. "How can anyone possib-bly know something l-like that? How c-can anyone b-b-be so sure of it?"

Lily sighed once more, because she didn't know the answer. She just knew that, whatever it took, she would support Ivory.

The girls sat there for what felt like hours but was most likely only a few minutes. They had been best friends for so long that they considered each other sisters, and when one was in pain, so was the other. They had silent understandings of each other. Sometimes, they said nothing. But their silences said everything.