Acting vs reality (A Jamilla Story)

Words

After a few short moments I pull back again. He steps back.
'Camilla, what are you doing? Do you want to be with me or not?' I pause looking at his confused face. Of course I do but it's..
'James..' I look away from him.
'No you know what I'm done.' He turns around and begins filling his suitcase.
'What are you-'
'I'm going home.' I step towards him touching his arm, he pulls away.
'James..'
'No, I'm tired of you not knowing what you want.' He continues to cram all his clothing into his suitcase.
'James.' I grab his arm
'Camilla!' He faces me, I can see the hurt in his eyes. I know what I want but I have to be practical. He slowly moves out of my grip and pulls his suitcase to the door.
'Please..'
'When you love me, it's acting not reality.'
'No it's not...' Before I finish the sentence he walks out the room.
I cup my mouth and scream. I'm so annoyed at myself. Why can't I just decide on what I want. I know in my heart I want him but my head just makes me think about the fear of it going wrong.
I walk to the entrance of the hotel. James stands at the taxi loading his suitcase. I rush over to him.
'Can we just talk?' I don't even know what I'm doing, let alone what I'm actually going to say if I get him to stay.
'It's gone a bit beyond that.'
'Please James..' He opens the taxi door and stops.
'I'll stay if you can answer this, are you ready to commit to me?'
I freeze looking at his sad eyes. I try to talk but the words fall utterly short.
Without another word he climbs in the car and shuts the door.
I watch the taxi drive away..

5 minutes later
I lie on the bed and dial David.
'Hello?'
'Hey David.'
'Camilla hi, it's late?' I look at the time, shit I didn't think it's 12:34.
'Ye, sorry I couldn't sleep.' I remove my shoes and Lie back down
'What's up?'
'Nothing just today..' I scan the room.
'Niamh told me.. She has a crush on joe.' That was random.. I needed names and those two seemed fitting. Silence.
'David?'
'Yes and, I'm listening.'
'She asked me if its acceptable.. Is it?'
I have to convince him it's not about me and James.
'Well they do play a love interest I suppose..'
'No I mean in real life.'
'Oh.' I hear him say as though through gritted teeth.
'Well?' He doesn't reply for a moment.
'It's bad. Think if something happened and they had to shoot a scene.. Awkward.' He laughs. He's right. I wasn't being stupid, telling James no was the right thing to do.
'Camilla?' I snap back to it.
'Sorry, I'll tell her that thanks.' I hang up the phone before he can ask me Anything else.

5 hours later
James' POV
I sit back in my apartment, it's a mess. Dust everywhere. I scoop up the clothes lying on the bed throwing them into the washer. A sudden thump comes at the door. I slowly walk over and open it. My ex.
'I came to get the rest of my stuff.' She looks at me through angry eyes, I changed the locks when I returned. She must of tried her keys.
I step out of the way and let her enter.
'Is there someone else?' She stops.
'No.' I abruptly turn away from her and walk over to the sink.
'Then why couldn't you tell me you loved me?' I sit on the unit facing her.
'I told you or jobs complicated things.'
'That doesn't stop you from loving someone.' I look down.
'Is there someone else?' She re-asks leaning on the back of the couch.
'I told you no.' I look back at her.
'If that was true, you'd be upset we'd have to split over our jobs.'
'I..'
'So tell me the truth is there?' I look back out the window.
'Yes.'
I hear the sobs leaking from her mouth. I can't look at her, I didn't want to hurt her I just didn't love her.
'I thought we was happy..with a future and..' More sobs fall.
I turn to face her.
'We was.'
'Until her. Who is she?' Tears stream her face, I can't tell her it's Camilla.. She's always hated Camilla, I don't know why, I think it's jealousy.
'You don't know her.'
'Does she love you?'
I look away, does she? Really?
'I don't... I think so.' I feel sorry now that I walked away from Camilla, I hate myself for doing it but she has to decide if she wants me or not.
'Are you dating then?'
'No.' I suppose that's the only question I can truly answer.
'Well..' She gets up grabbing her now full bag of clothing i had packed for her.
'She must be pretty lucky to have you..'
She walks to the door.
'I'd be lucky to have her..' I mutter under my breathe.
'I just want you to know James.. If you ever need me, call me. You may not think it now but you will..'
I weakly smile.. I don't think so.
She slowly opens the door and leaves, I watch it shut behind her.
I go back about my business, I have to get the flat tidy.

Camilla's POV
I slowly open my eyes and rolling over to remember that James isn't here anymore. Brilliant.
I look at my phone.
4 missed calls.
Maybe it's James. I sit up and look at my call history.
It's David. I sigh Before ringing him back. No answer. I notice I have a voicemail, I play it.
'Hey C, just wondering what time your back on Monday! Your birthday!'
Ugh my birthday, I wish I could forget about that. I message him;
Back at 2pm
C xx
I think I might go back home today.. And just stay in a hotel till Monday, what is the point in me being here?
I've already messed everything up anyway.