silent in the trees // joshler

two.

It has been a week since Tyler first received that message from Josh. They've been talking nonstop about the most random topics that Josh brings up. Tyler isn't good at carrying a conversation with someone because of how much he is stuck inside his mind, so he is glad that Josh is so talkative to him. He never really talks to many people because he always feels as if he is bothering them. But Josh is beginning to be one of the only reasons that Tyler is still fighting against his demons.

It's around 2am when Tyler hears a vibration from his phone which is on the table next to his bed. He picks it up and unlocks the screen to see he has a message from the only person he ever wants to talk to these days.

spookyjim: ty?

spookyjim: youre probably not awake but im freaking out

tyguy: whats wrong

spookyjim: im not sure... i just feel very alone right now

tyguy: im always here

spookyjim: yeah but who knows you could live in another country

tyguy: im in ohio

spookyjim: NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY. 

tyguy: o.o

spookyjim: I LIVE IN OHIO TOO. it was meant to be <3

-read-

spookyjim: no come back. i was kidding

tyguy: <3

Tyler isn't sure why he acted that way towards Josh. Maybe he was overly excited that he lives close and there's a higher chance of them meeting. Or maybe it is because of the feelings he is being to feel towards Josh. He always seems to push everyone away when he begins to get attached. His mind is a very confusing place the past couple of years and he isn't completely sure what his sexuality would be labeled. But all he does know is that Josh is making his mind an even more complex place.

He doesn't want to give anyone the power to make him feel like he is wanted because they could also make his world come tumbling down. He learned that the hard way in his teenage years. But for some reason he has the feeling that things would be different with Josh. Tyler immediately mentally slaps himself for thinking that about Josh. With his luck, Josh is straight and would think less of Tyler if he began to develop a crush on Josh. 

spookyjim: goodnite tyler 

tyguy: night

If only it was that easy for him to sleep. It is the summer after Tylers' freshman year of college, so he just sticks around in his lonely apartment. He goes to a pretty large university with a major in music; however, he typically sticks to himself and doesn't communicate much with other people. One of the only people he does talk to is his best friend, Jenna. She is a very bubbly and outgoing person who is really the only one who has noticed Tyler and made an effort to talk to him.

Tyler pushes his blanket off of him and climbs out of bed. He silently makes his way towards the kitchen where he keeps some sleeping pills. He doesn't like to take them very often, but after days of surviving on only 2 hours of sleep he thinks it's time to take one. He opens the cabinet to grab a glass and he manages to drop it on the floor where it shatters into a million shiny pieces. 

An idea runs through his mind when he stares at the tiny shards of glass around his feet. He thinks back to the days in high school when he used to cover his arms in cuts just so he could feel something other than sadness. Tyler picks up a larger piece with his hands which are shaking with nervousness. He presses it against his arm, dragging it across his healed skin horizontally. By the time he realizes it, both of his arms are covered in a pattern of bleeding criss-cross lines. He slides down onto the floor and looks around his kitchen as his eyes fill with tears. Tyler instantly regrets going back to his old ways.

After a while of crying out his frustration, Tyler blinks away his tears and stands up to get a broom to clean up the shattered glass. He decides on a plastic cup this time and turns on the water to fill his cup. He takes the bottle of sleeping pills and takes 3 of them, gulping them down with the water. The bottle says that he should only take one and he has already destroyed his night, so why not damage it even more? Tyler walks back to his room to lay in bed once again and waits for sleep to take over his thoughts.

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I'M SO TERRIBLE OMG IM SORRY. This won't always be negative but yaknow Tylers life kinda sucks right now. 

Stay alive |-/