As always I woken up because of my alarm. I took my shower and went down for school. I wear my plain V-neck white t-shirt and with my jacket on and wear my make-up. Make-up means eyeliner.
"Honey, you're leaving already?" Mom ask. Wow, since when she has concern to me?
"No appetite, bye." and I left.
"I can give you a ride." dad offered when I'm already out and that made me turn my head over him.
"No thanks, I can do it with by myself." I said and walk. Everything is weird. Really weird, they're acting like they care but they really don't.
As I walk by. I heard grins, laughs, and smirks from the school bus passing by. But there's a boy who is just staring, emotionless, at me like he knew me. A paper threw out on me.
"Ha." a boy said, probably the one who threw the paper. I just ignored it. I'm wondering when will I get used to this. As they laugh I feel a sudden pound on my head perhaps because I didn't ate a dinner yesterday and my breakfast. I continue walking; school is just few steps away.
Something dropped; our family picture with my friends, old friends. I took it up and look at it. We were just little kids, a smile draw to my lips when I remember when we were playing at the playground together with our families. My reminiscing cut when the bell rang. I run towards to my locker. My headache strikes again, it aches more this time but I didn't care about it and continue running.
Not eating is one way of to make your body fit, to be skinny, to be beautiful, to fit in but it seems that it's not effective. The more I didn't eat the more I'm getting fat and fatter. Why is that? I just don't know.
"Ms. Levy" my teacher called my name and the crowd stare at me. Don't look at me, don't give me stares, I feel disgusted.
"Levy" her call again. I can't even say a word i-i-i just don't want here, I wanna go out, I want to escape from where I am. I burst into tears. I paced the room straight through the bathroom.
I am sitting at the corner at the cubicle, crying silently. Once I'm sure that there's no one at the bathroom I peeked and went out the cubicle. I stare at my reflection, there are tears constantly flowing , my eyeliners are smeared because of tears. Few questions are coming on my mind that makes me cry harder.
Why they just don't like me the way I am?
is it because I'm fat? not pretty enough?
Why they just don't look at my heart?
Why nobody loves me?
Why nobody wants to be my friend?
Why everybody I used to be friends betrayed me?
Why my family doesn't love me?
WHY DOES EVERYBODY AROUND ME HATES ME?
For goddamn's sake! I want to die.
I break down and my knees fall at the bathroom floor and curled into a ball. I feel loneliness, no one's there for me even a family or even a friend, NO ONE. The ones who swore that they'll stay, the one who said they love me, the one who said that they care, where are you now? The family who you thought loves you but they don't. No one's ever there for me. This is a living hell. Demons, who are always there.
A girl walked in and looks shocked on what she sees. I could see her reflection at the mirror. She's brunette with a wavy hair and seems shy she's wearing a ripped pants and plain black V-neck tshirt. She walk towards me and S-sh-she hugged me and helps me to sit. She's holding her handkerchief, a white one. She wipes my tears that is still falling and seems not to stop.
"Sssshhh, I know you can't stop crying now but I'm here to listen." she said looking into my eyes and I sobbed into my knees saying "Go away!!!" I know you'll just leave like everybody! I heard her sigh and a sudden flash of camera. She already left because I heard the door cracks. See? people always leave. I did a deep breathe and lift my head up, I saw a piece of paper at the floor. The letter said:
"if you want to be alone, okay
then i'll give you time but let's
talk tomorrow okay? or
later. here's my contact
number: +678973563 text me
or call anytime.Okay?"
You'll just leave me hanging too! I teared it up and runs away back to my room to pick my things and go home. My classmates and my teacher didn't even bother to ask where I'm going, they just stared at me going away.
They're surprised when I came home and saw me. Oh yeah, I forgot to clean my face, i don't care.
"You looks like Joker." my brother said and laugh. I glared at him and went upstairs while he's apologizing and telling me that it was just a joke.
"Then it's not funny!" I yell.
It's afternoon already, I'm laying down on the bed of hell. Why hell? because hell for me is everywhere. Haven't eaten anything since yesterday. I have to be thin, I have to be skinny. i have to be-- my head suddenly hurts again. No foods allowed. I turned my laptop on and blast my music to distract myself from headache and hunger. I heard their whimper as I expected. I volume it down a bit. When I was about to go at my bed I passed out.
