Roses and Sonatas [Harvest Moon: Tale of Two Towns]

Chapter 21

Soon after midnight, the party began to wind down. Mikhail offered to walk me home, although I told him I wanted to stop by the clinic on the way home to check on Kana. We stepped inside the darkened clinic, and leaving Mikhail to wait in the front room, I walked back to the room where Kana had been taken. It was very still in the clinic, so I removed my shoes and walked as silently as I could, not wanting to disturb anyone.

Through the open door to his room, I saw Kana apparently in a deep sleep, his splinted and wrapped arm resting on top of the blankets. Hiro sat in a chair next to him, eyelids drooping and head nodding with exhaustion, his textbook just starting to slip from his hands. He started when I tiptoed in, looking surprised. He put a finger over his lips, and I nodded as he rose from his seat. We stepped out into the hall, and he softly closed the door behind him. In a whisper, I asked, "How is he?"

"He'll be fine, Alice," he whispered in reply. "Kana's an amazingly tough guy, you know. Dr. Ayame gave him a shot of an analgesic to help with the pain, and it's knocked him out for now. Sleep's what he needs most, anyway. She says as soon as the swelling has gone down, she'll make a cast for him, and then he can go home. He'll have to take it easy for a while, though."

I nodded, then whispered, "Hiro, let me keep an eye on him tonight. You need to get some rest, and well, I don't think I'll be able to sleep anyway. Just give me a few minutes to go home and change into something more comfortable, then I'll come sit with him so you can go to bed."

Hiro looked dubious, so I reassured him that I'd ring the bell for help if anything happened. After a moment's thought, he replied, "Okay, if you're really sure? Dr. Ayame thought nothing would happen anyway, that he'll just sleep. She mainly wants someone to be here when he wakes up or if he seems to be in pain. I suppose you could do that nearly as well as I could."

I sighed with relief, said I'd be back as soon as I could, and quickly hurried away. I pulled Mikhail out the clinic's door, closing it as softly as I could behind us. Once we were back out on the road, I said, "I'm coming back. I'm just going home to change my clothes. Hiro has been sitting up with him in case he wakes up and needs more pain medication, but he's half dead with exhaustion. So since I don't think I could possibly sleep after all the excitement, I'm going to take over. I feel so awful about what happened, it's the least I can do. Besides, Kana's my best friend."

Mikhail put his arm around my shoulders, saying, "Alice... don't feel guilty. It's not your fault that he got hurt. You aren't to blame."

I shook my head, feeling tears forming in my eyes again. "No, it is my fault. You don't understand. I promised Kana that I'd be honest with him... and I wasn't. I was fooling myself, and so I fooled him, too. If I'd only been honest with myself, none of this would have happened."

"What do you mean?" Mikhail asked, looking at me curiously.

"I mean... I mean, I'm just not in love with him. I knew that, but I wanted to give him a chance. I love him very dearly as a friend, and he wanted so much for me to return his love... so I tried to fool myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could... but I can't. I don't love him that way, plain and simple, and I see now that I never will. I keep saying that you can't force love... but that's exactly what I was trying to do. So you see, it is my fault that he's hurt," I sobbed.

Mikhail said nothing for a minute, simply walked in silence beside me, his arm still around my shoulders. When we reached my house, he turned to me, put his hands on my shoulders as he looked into my eyes, and said, "Alice, you mustn't blame yourself for tonight. Kana did exactly what he wanted to do. He must have known that there was some risk involved—he's no bully, and he'd never have challenged me to a fight if he hadn't thought there was a real chance that I'd win. As for feeling as though you've been deceiving him... there's a difference between intentionally leading someone on and fooling yourself. You didn't set out to mislead him. And... I think it's very likely he knew, deep down, that it wasn't going to work out. He's not a fool, and he must have known that whatever you felt for him, it lacked that spark that kindles friendship, setting it aflame and transforming it into love. So don't be so hard on yourself, all right? You might feel that you let him down, but if he's at all the man I believe him to be, he won't share your sentiments."