My One Life, My One Heart

Chapter 17- "This will make it go away, Justin."

Alexis POV:

     I didn't actually forgive him, but I didn't want to lose him. I just wanted a break so he will understand how I am feeling about this. You saw how I forgave him within seconds right? That's because he hypnotized me with his little love speech. Well, I still don't trust him and I'm staying away. He can visit me, but there's no kisses or hugs or whatever.

     Justin was sitting on the couch diagonal from me. I was looking down at my hands, but I felt his chocolate brown eyes burning into me. It was bugging me so I decided to speak up.

"What's there to look at?" I mumbled.

"I know something's still up and you won't tell me."

"Fine... when I said I forgave you--"

"You lied?" he interrupted.

"ummm... yeah." I gulped.

"You didn't have to lie to me."

"Well you didn't have to go banging some other chick!"

"OKAY I GET IT JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT! YOU MAKES MISTAKES TOO! JUST DROP IT YOU DUMB BITCH!" I never saw Justin like this.

My bottom lip began to quiver as the tears built up.

"Oh... no, don't- don't cry. It just slipped out. I didn't-- Oh my god I'm such an asshole! I've become a monster..." he yelled.

"Justin, did you mean it when you called me a bitch?" I asked.

"NO, no I was-- I was only angry. I love you. You know I have a temper, babe..."

"Yeah, but you went way too far." I looked down and hugged my knees to my chest. I sobbed slightly.

"I'm really sorry. I'm so stupid. I don't deserve you."

"2 minute silence*

"I gotta go. I just can't right now. Come by my house in an hour ok? I'll fix this."

Justin didn't give me a chance to answer. He just left with tears in his eyes.

      I don't know what's gotten into him. Maybe he was angry at himself, I don't know. He, or anybody, has treated me this way before. It's too much and it kills. Right now, I was hysterically crying. And I cried until I fell asleep...

Justin POV:

      I could not describe what I was feeling. It was a mixture of guilt, sorrow, fear, and just... it was painful! I slapped myself across the face and I was rocking back and forth on the couch.

"She does't deserve this. She deserves better. You're only hurting her. God, why can't you be NORMAL?!?!" I shouted at myself.

      I was crying a river. I burried my face in my hands. I got up and walked into the kitchen. I went into the second drawer on my marble counter and grabbed the smallest knife in the drawer. Then, I ran into the bathroom and closed the door. I turned around and slid down the door. I was still crying.

"I can't take it anymore. This will make it go away, Justin."

     I started slicing my wrists. I was slicing fast and hard, going deeper and deeper with each cut. I stopped until I reach the pit of my arm. I looked at the mess I made. Blood was on the carper, on my sweatpants... I suddenly felt dizzy, and everything became a blur. I think I cut too many times, but it lifted a great amount of weight off my shoulders... Then I blacked out in my bathroom.

Alexis POV:

     I woke up from my sleep. Crap, I'm late! I ran and got my keys and went into my car. I zoomed all the way to Justin's house. I opened his front door and he wasn't in his living room. He wasn't in his kitchen or the basement...

"Justin? Hello? I know you're here. Don't do anything you'll regret!" I shouted.

    I was getting a little scared. I finally went to the bathroom to check. I opened the door to see Justin passed out on the floor. There was a knife and blood!

"Ju-JUSTIN! OH MY GOD WAKE UP PLEASE!"

There were cuts all over his wrists.

"Oh god this is all my fault!" 

     I got a rag and cleaned up all the blood. I tried to pick up Justin, but we both just toppled over. I had to drag him to my car and rush him to the hospital.

*A few hours later*

Justin POV:

"He's waking up!" I heard someone yell.

    I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. I regret what I did. For self-harming, for giving up on myself. And especially for hurting the one I'm in love with. I wouldn't blame her if she couldn't forgive me. I can't even forgive myself. Where the hell was I? I looked at Alexis.

"Hey.." I croaked.

"Hi." she mumbled and rubbed my hand.

"How am I not dead... or at least passed out still?"

"I gave you some of my blood. We have the same blood type." she smiled.

"Oh that's cool."

"So how are you feeling?" she aksed.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I guess I'm okay. But why? Why did you even think to do this to yourself?"

"It's a long story..."

"I want to hear it. Please? For me?"

     I looked in her eyes for a moment, not saying a word. Then I nodded.

"I had a girlfriend that I loved so much. Her name was Jen. I loved her more than anything, that is until I met you. This was way before Selena... anyways. The same thing that happened between us, happened between me and her. Not me self-harming, butt when we got into a huge arguement and when I cheated.  But she left me. She left the country actually. She sent me a letter, saying she still loved me. She said she couldn't take the pain anymore. Then next week I got a call from her mother saying she committed suicide. Jen left a note that said it was because we weren't together. From then on I was depressed. I felt like it was my fault all this time. I promise I won't let anything like that happen between us. No more cheating or anything else crazy."

I saw her crying. I wiped her tear.

"Justin, you know I'd never leave you right?" Then I kissed her.

     I kissed her so passionately. I needed her to know that I loved her and nobody else. I won't ever cheat on her again. All I want is her.

"Am I forgiven?"

"Yes, Justin. I love you so much!" We were crying tears of joy.

     I hugged her and held her in my arms. She fell asleep. Alexis was finally mine again. I'm gonna treat her like the queen she is. 

~We are back together and stronger than ever.~

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HEY guys! Alexis and Justin are back on <3 This was a very depressing chapter to write :( but in the end it all got better, so yay. Any ideas, comments, or tips? Leave them below. Thanks so much for reading and enjoy <3 :')