How to be a Great Asian Without Bringing Shame and Dishonour to Your Cow

How to be Great Asian Without Bringing Shame and Dishonour to Your Cow

By: An Actual Asian

First of all, in order to be a great Asian, you must be Asian. There's absolutely no exception for Americans and no just because you're squinting your eyes, that does not mean you're Asian. Second of all, if you want to succeed in becoming a great Asian, you must follow all of these steps or you will end up shedding a great amount of dishonour to yourself and your loved ones.

Everyone knows that Asians are the best in everything they do. To become a great Asian, you must strive to succeed in everything you do. Always make sure you are at the top of the class and you're not failing in any of your classes. Why are grades so important to us Asians? Well, it's because we're not Bsians, not Csians, but because we're Asians. It's not only that but you must receive an A+ because

A = Average

B = Bad

C = Crap

D = Disowning Range

F = FAILURE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

To make this clear, if you want to earn those A's, you must: STUDY, STUDY, STUDY! Studying everyday is the best way to learn. Actually, if you want to become even better then study until your eyes burn because everything will be branded into your brain that way. So, it's so much easier to remember everything!

Also, ALWAYS speak in Engrish everyday. Make sure to always talk out loud and enunciate your words because when you are quiet, everyone will assume due to your ethnic looks that English is not your first language and start speaking to you like this: "WE LIVE IN AMERICA. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" I don't know why Americans love screaming in your ear so make sure to go to the doctor's clinic afterwards.

Speaking of the doctor's, another way to become a great Asian is through health. Unlike Americans who would go MacDonald's and order a Big Mac, a large order of fries, and a diet Coca Cola, we like to eat portions that fit in the palms of our hands. A spectacular way to become used to these portions are by always filling your plate with white rice, fried rice, brown rice, and the list can go on.

Another reason why most Asians are healthier than most Americans is because of how they consume their meals. Many people ask why Asians eat with chopsticks, and there are two reasons:

It's fun.

It takes longer to eat.

Eating with chopsticks can better your health because it takes about twenty minutes to know you're full, this allows better digestion for the food as well as a better appreciation for the complexity of flavours crossing your palate. A person who devours their food in a short amount of time may feel hungry once more. Chopsticks are also easier to clean and are usually made of bamboo, which is sustainable and good for the environment. Permanent ones may even be made of porcelain which can be considered an art form for the elaborate ones. Unlike forks and spoons that leave a sickening and repulsive metallic taste in your mouth, chopsticks hold no flavour allowing the consumer to taste the food better.

Okay, I don't want to discriminate, so let's not forget about our Asian girls here. If you want to become a great Asian then you must dress for success. A popular style that is most currently trending with the girl population is Ulzzang/ Gyaru / Feizl. What you will need for this style are: Circle contact lenses, fake eyelashes, and lots of eyeliner. The one thing I really love about this trend is how I can keep the bags under my eyes and still be beautiful. While many women in America are paying millions to cover up the puffiness under their eyes, many young eastern women embrace it. Though, don't be confused with the saggy, dark, purplish caused by aging or lack of sleep. Aegyo Sal or "eye smiles" refer to the slight puffiness under the eye sockets that are caused by a person's constant smile. Many girls have found these little pockets of fat cute and find that Aegyo Sal gives a more youthful look. That's another thing about us Asian girls. Unlike many American girls whose makeup styles give them a more older look, Asian girls love to look younger than they actually are. Sometimes it's even just genetics as well but with the advanced makeup, they like to enhance their youth. You must dress for success until it becomes time for you to become a stay at home mother because that's what all girls are good for: Cooking for the children and husband while he's working. Let's face it, it's basically written in stone.

Living in America, we often think we'll lose our culture and traditions due to the melting pot of other nations and the microwavable rice boxes. Though, in this case that is not true because the citizens who live here always remind us of how Asians should truly be or how anyone should because of the way they look, act, or their gender standards. To become a great Asian you must know that all Asians are not good at everything just like how not all blondes are dumb, not all black people are great at physical activities, and ginger's have no souls. Everyone has different flaws and jealousy towards other people. It is not about the DNA you inherit from your parent's or your nationality. It is all about enjoying what you want to do and achieving goals out of what you love.

"We all use stereotypes, all the time, without even knowing it. We have met the enemy of equality and the enemy is us." Stereotyping has become a big problem in our Society and there's so little we can do to stop this because assumption and judgement is a part of human nature. This is due to imperfect knowledge. No one can ever have perfect knowledge, so generalizations are inevitable. We all make assumptions daily and not realizing you are making these assumptions is intellectually dishonest. So, whether you admit it or not, you do generalize, you do stereotype, and you'll always have misconceptions. Always strive for a more perfect knowledge and lessen the amount of assumptions you'll make, but have the humility to admit you are a lot less open minded than you think you are. Also, the people that you believe are different and weird may have more knowledge or is more open minded than you are.