One Deep Breath

Chapter Nine

 "So I have a confession," Jolie announced to Rachel, Leah and Ash Wednesday afternoon while they were all seated in their usual booth in the main dining hall for lunch.

Three sets of curious eyes shifted their attention to her, and Jolie felt herself tense.

"I had coffee with that guy from Four yesterday."

"What!?" Rachel screamed, loudly enough for other tables to take notice.

"The one who drove you home?" Ash asked, a much more reasonable reaction, Jolie thought to herself.

"Yeah. His name is Jesse. He gave me his number when he dropped me off Saturday, so I texted him, and we met before my internship yesterday morning."

All three of her friends' faces stared at her, clearly expecting her to go on.

"And he's kind of perfect," Jolie said dramatically, dropping her head into her hands shaking her head.

"Ha! You're totally in love with this kid already," Leah teased, only to be cut off by Rachel.

"He's not a kid, he's older than us. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this!" Rachel looked a little angry, and Jolie immediately felt bad about not telling her sooner, or at least before telling the other two.

"He's only three years older, Rach. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything before but everything has happened so fast in the past few days, and I'm not sure whether or not I should feel bad about it, considering Landon and I aren't on speaking terms. It's only ever been him before this."

"Fuck Landon" Leah quipped at the same time that Ash said "oh my god stop."

Jolie looked between the two, a little surprised by their quick dismissal of Landon, considering it was usually only Rachel who voiced her opinion on their relationship before.

"They're right, Jay, you definitely shouldn't feel guilty about Landon after everything he's put you through in the past," Rachel led, while Ash and Leah nodded in agreement. "But maybe you should just break it off and be single for a while first. Not jump right into something so soon."

"Whatever, girl, I always say the best way to get over a man is to get under another one," Leah added her two sense with a mischievous grin, causing all the girls to giggle.

"Honestly. I feel like I've been over Landon for a while now. Somewhere over the past year it all just changed. And I never felt the way I feel around Jesse around Landon. It's... different."

Looking around, Jolie saw that Leah and Ash both looked at her with the same little smirk, while Rachel looked half proud, half concerned.

"Okay so now that we're all on the same page about Jolie not feeling even a little bit guilty over Landon, can we please get back to your date yesterday?" Ash butted in.

Jolie recounted her initial night with Jesse on Saturday, their string of text messages Sunday night, and how comfortable and easy it had been having coffee with him the day before. They oohed and awed, and were pretty much all Team Jesse by the end of their lunch.  Ash even offered up her closet for Jolie to go shopping in when she told them about her upcoming date with him on Friday.  Jolie was stoked since they were similar sized and Ash was known for having one of the best closet selections on campus, thanks in large part to credit card belonging to her father that she took to the mall frequently.

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That night back in her room, feeling good about her conversation with her friends from earlier, Jolie flipped on the television to relax for the night. Then she heard her phone buzz.

Landon: Jo...

Jolie stared at his text for a minute surprised he had only iced her out for three days before contacting her.

Instead of anger, she felt irritated. Not wanting to text him, she decided to just call. He picked up right away.

"Hi baby," he said into the phone softly. "I've missed you this week."

"Have you?" Jolie asked him, not to be sarcastic, but because she really hadn't missed him at all.

"Of course, Jo. I always miss you."

The words sounded recited, automatic. Complacent.

"Landon," she started, and then stopped.

"What babe? What's wrong?"

"I can't do this anymore." She said it so softly she wasn't sure he even heard her. "I don't want to do this anymore," she followed up, louder this time.

"Yeah? Really?" His voice grew louder as he continued, "After everything with us? You just don't want to do this anymore?" he said, mocking her words.

Jolie didn't know exactly what to say, but she knew she didn't want to fight with him.

"It's too hard Landon. It's been too hard for a long time and we just keep hanging on to it. And I don't know why anymore."

Jolie thought maybe she heard him sniffle through the line, and she felt a pang in her chest. She hated that even after all the times he hurt her she still couldn't stand to hurt him.

"Fine. Whatever you want Jolie. Just forget about us then. I can't believe you're just going to walk away from this."

He sounded as defeated as Jolie felt. Not wanting to fight anymore she managed to reply.

"Just focus on yourself Landon. That's what I want for both of us. I'm sorry. I gotta go."

She heard a sigh and beep, letting her know he had hung up. She waited for the sadness and the tears to come, but they didn't. What she felt was mostly relief, with a small side of guilt for hurting her first love.