Faith

Chapter 5

It gets frustrating after a point of time when your friends get overprotective of you. It's sweet and all but I also needed them to realise that I wasn't five. I mean it's not like I was physically unable to take care of myself. There were occasions where I had full fledged emotional breakdowns, but that was only normal. Imagine yourself after you find out your boyfriend, who you were in love with, in bed with your co-worker. But I needed these people to lay off. They wouldn't allow me to go out to buy grocery alone. How pathetic was that?

That was the reason I sneaked out of the house today. I needed alone time more than anything and by the looks of it, neither Jake nor Sarah were willing to compromise on that front. I had to write a note so they wouldn't worry. But out I was, on my own. I had to buy some things from Sav-Mor but I really did need fresh air. Being watched by someone or the other every minute of every day was suffocating.

I couldn't deny the fact that Luke still governed a large part of my thoughts. It was painful and heart wrenching still and honestly I had given up figuring out how much time I really needed. Everything even remotely related to him made me miserable and the fact that he kept showing up at my house made it even worse. However I knew I would be able to face him. I knew I had that much hold upon myself.

It was a twenty minute walk to Sav-Mor which meant I was left alone with my thoughts for that span of time. I thought that I did want to be left alone but I realised now that without company my mind kept tracing back to that day. There was something almost mortifying about that day. It haunted me whenever I thought of it. It had become my worst nightmare. I tried to think of something happy to get rid of those thoughts. But well, it's difficult to acquire happy thoughts when depression becomes your best friend. There was still some distance to go and my mind suddenly went back to that night at Mackenzies. But surprisingly Marcus was not in my head anymore. I would of course break his face, or well attempt to at least, if I were to come across him. But the constant thought of him didn't affect their me anymore. Instead that night, whenever I thought of it, reminded me of Ethan. He was a good man and there was something about him that lured me to him. I wanted to know more about him. His behaviour, his way of speaking and his movements strangely attracted me. I liked being around him. I felt protected around him.

Just then the small voice in my head I had suppressed whispered "Lucas. He'll only get bored of you and turn out like him." Well it was right I realised. But then again I wasn't even thinking of him in that light. I meant getting to know him as a friend. The voice whispered again "Who are you kidding Emily? Both of us know a guy like him would not be your friend. Not everyone is Adam." That was not necessarily true. I could be perfectly normal friends with Ethan. If I just stopped noticing his perfectly toned body or the most wonderful blue of his eyes, or the way he made me feel that day. So protected, so cared for.

'Stop thinking about those things you idiot,' I scolded myself. It would fade this sudden attraction. It was only normal I guess to want someone, anyone, after a break up. That too one as sudden and heartbreaking as this one. That's exactly what it was. A stupid crush which would pass eventually. Till then I just had to prevent these thoughts from coming into my mind. Shouldn't be too difficult. It was only a guy at the office. With his gorgeous face and charming smile. Okay I should probably stop. That was the last of it. "So you think" whispered that voice again.

After sometime could see Sav-Mor from a distance. Now I could think about fruits and mayonnaise instead of all that was going on. Picking a cart I headed to purchase the things I needed. There was a shortage of all the essentials at home since I wasn't exactly going out of my apartment for the last month. However gaining some sanity I decided to get back to my normal lifestyle. I decided to not let Lucas rule over myself anymore. It would be difficult but I was trying.