Stitches

Seventh Stitch

seventh || Perci

I'm eating lunch, when Ariadne ambushes me with a question.

"Hey, did you see your douche and Alex all sweet and mushy in Algebra the other day?"

Angie pipes up, "Aria, Michael's a douche, but he's not hers." She looks at me and grins. "Well, not anymore anyways."

They laugh and high-five each other.

Ariadne and Angie are my bestfriends. Ever since I got my heart split into two by a certain douchebag named Michael, their automatic response was split into two—pitying me and making fun of me. At first, they went with the first option. They pitied me, sympathized with me, telling me over and over again that I'll get over it. They kept treating me like a fragile vase, about to crack any minute. It was annoying. I never did liked being pitied, it made me feel pathetic. So everytime they went all pity mode on me, I would shut them out. I think they got tired of me being in such a sour mood, so they went with the second option—making fun of me.

I can never decide if it is better or worse.

I roll my eyes and keep my voice calm. "No, I did not see them." (Probably because I wasn't looking.) (I never look, it's sickening.)

"Well, I did," Ariadne says. "He was absent yesterday by the way, did you know that?"

Yes, I did know that.

"Alex says it's cuz he was sick," Angie cuts in.

"Oh?" I say, faking nonchalance. I open my phone and try to ignore them.

"Yeah," Ariadne says, eyeing me closely. "She says she's going over to his place to see how he's doing."

"Hm," I reply, not looking up.

"Sweet, right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Perci."

"What?"

"Are you even listening?"

I know what Ariadne's doing. She's messing with my head. She's been doing in for a while, mentioning the likes of those two every time she can. Most of my friends do. Getting under my skin. Trying to make me care. They think it's funny. They think it's hilarious.

It's not funny. Not one bit.

"Goddammit, Aria," I frown. "I don't care."

I'm lying. She knows it. She laughs like she won a trophy for proving herself right. "Calm down, hotshot. I was just saying," and then she laughs with Angie like nothing ever even happened.

I hate it when she does that. I hate it when anybody does that. I hate being reminded of his and her existence.

The two of them talk some more about the douche and my replacement. They never tell me this directly, but I can feel that they root for those two. Of course they do—everyone does. They're adorable together. Even I root for them. They're a cliché. Everyone loves a real life cliché.

I stand up, and the two of them look at me.

"I kinda lost my appetite," I say.

Ariadne fake gasps. "You? Lost your appetite? Who are you and what have you done to our bestfriend?"

I shrug and say "She's dead." Dead inside, that is.

Angie stands. "Here, let me come with you," she says. I can hear the slight urgency in her voice. Maybe she senses I'm offended. Maybe not, I dunno. Doesn't matter.

"No. Stay here," I say.

For a moment, I think I saw her flinch.

I walk away then, and don't look back. Why am I doing this? They were just joking, right? I'm being too sensitive. I'm being mean. I'm being a jerk.

I laugh bitterly in my head. So I'm the jerk now?

Everyone can just go blame Perci Barrett. She fucking deserves it.

I walk some more to clear my head. It doesn't clear, it never does. I'm late for fourth period. I'm never late for my classes. And the weird thing is, I don't care.

I find myself in front of the oldest building in Quentin. We used to hang out at its rooftop, Alex, Michael and I. Below was the library, and no one came to this library anymore since the E-library was built, so we had the entire place all to ourselves. It was our little safe haven. We would climb through the fire escape and stay there for hours after class.

See, this is why you shouldn't walk like a Perci. You'll end up at your ex-friendships' old hide outs.

I climb up.

It's amazing, looking back on it now, how stupid and reckless and hopeless I must've been, to actually climb up to our old hide out. What was I even planning on doing there? Sulk? Pace? Relive pathetic memories of us in that tiny cramped space? I don't know. I didn't know what to expect.

Wanna know something else I didn't expect? What I'd see when I came up there.

They were there. Him. Her. Them. Of course they were there of course they still hung out here. Just because I wasn't around anymore doesn't mean they couldn't, right? But still, this place felt sacred. This place was for all of us. This place was ours.

I just thought, after everything that happened, they'd leave it alone.

I know it's a stupid feeling to feel, but I felt betrayed.

They were talking. Just that, talking. There was something in the way lovers talked to each other, the way they hunch their shoulders, or lean a little too closely to one another, or speak a bit too softly so only they could hear. It's like they have their own little world.

I saw it in them.

I choke back a sob.

The last time I talked to Alex, she told me they weren't dating. "Don't be silly, Perci. We're just friends," she told me.

And I knew that was bullshit, the moment she said it.

But still, I guess, some part of me wanted to believe her. Some part of me did believe her.

When I told that to Ariadne, she rolled her eyes and said, "Of course they're not dating. And you're terrible at arts. And my name's not Ariadne. They're dating, Perci! And if not, it's getting there. Where else would it be headed?"

She was right. I knew she was right.

I guess I was still hoping that she wasn't.

Michael says something I can't hear, and Alex turns bright red. He leans into her, and I know what he's doing. I know what's going to happen. And I can't stand to watch it

I planned to retreat slowly, but my foot slips and I accidentally kick a few rocks. Michael and Alex snap their heads towards my direction, and my blood turns cold.

I run.

I run in a frenzy, in a fever. I go wherever my legs carry me. I don't even think, I don't even know if I breathe. I run. My heart pounds. My head swirls. I don't stop until my muscles ache and my lungs burn and I'm out of breath.

I collapse under an oak tree. I can't feel my lungs.

Deep breaths. It hurts.

Inhale. Not just my lungs. My chest. My heart. Everything.

Exhale.

I'm late for class.

Inhale.

I can't go to class like this.

Exhale.

"Don't be silly, Perci. We're just friends,"

Inhale.

"They're dating, Perci! And if not, it's getting there. Where else would it be headed?"

Exhale.

I need to leave.

Inhale.

I need to breathe.