Stitches

Eleventh Stitch

eleventh || Perci

I just tell myself things will get better.

Every day when I wake, I say it in my head over and over again.

It will get better. This shit will get better.

I know it's a lie, but I force myself to believe it.

After I saw them on the rooftop, Alex kept calling me. Leaving me messages like, "Perci? I'm sorry. So so sorry. Pls pick up," or "Hey please can we talk? Meet u @ the rooftop later please I just want to clear the air." All of these sounding so anxious and guilty. Why was she even saying sorry? I don't get it. What was she even sorry for? Nothing, that's for sure, but I can't help but feel pissed. I never answered, never texted back. The messages then start sounding angry, like, "Listen, Perci, holding your pride up will lead to absolutely nothing you know please just talk to me," or "Goddammit Perci stop acting like a kid this is ridiculous."

These pissed me off even more. I stopped reading her messages then, and after a while, she stopped sending them.

I'm pretty sure Michael didn't give a fuck, which I expected. That asshat.

I start avoiding them at school. I mean I was already avoiding them, but now I do it with more intensity.

Alex keeps trying to make small talk at lunch, trying to sit by our table and lure me into a conversation.

I don't let her. I don't even eat anymore. If I can't take it, I eat in the Newsroom.

I start staying away from my friends too. They were too close with Michael and Alex, it was a pain. Michael and Ariadne both loved music, and sometimes they'd jam together. Sometimes Angie would join in. And Alex hangs out with them just because she's Alex—and everybody loved Alex.

Plus, Angie and Ariadne were seriously getting under my skin, cracking jokes that they think are so golden and making fun of my bad mood. I never understood why they did that, weren't they suppose to be my bestfriends? Shouldn't they have my back? Shouldn't they have punched Michael's guts out the moment they found out that he was only toying around with me? They didn't though, they never did. And I know it's childish of me, to want them to stand up for me like I'm a five-year-old who got her toy stolen from her. And I suppose I really don't want them to pity me either. I honestly don't know what I want them to do.

I guess, all I ever really wanted, was for them to have my back. I wanted them to be on my side.

I know I can't stop them from being friends with Michael and Alex. They can hang out with whoever they want, right? I'm nobody to tell them who they can and can't talk to.

But I wish they really would stay away from those two though.

And that makes me such a selfish and mean and immature person. Maybe it really is best that I stay away from them. They don't deserve the drama I give them. They don't deserve the burden that is me.

So I start avoiding them too, and if Ariadne and Angie noticed, they didn't show it.

By and by as days past, I begin to feel as if they were slowly drifting away from me.

I know I should feel bothered, I should even feel sad about it. These are my bestfriends, for fucks sake. Odd enough, I'm not though.

If anything, I feel nothing. It's like I've been feeling too much lately, that I've gotten really tired, so I just stopped feeling anything at all.

Was that even possible? I dunno—I'm disturbed. Ask anybody.

The staff of Fiat Lux have been nothing but kind to me. I've even made a few friends there. I don't try to get too attached, I've recently learned that getting too attached is dangerous. Basically, I just try to get my work done on time, hurry past the hallways, and get by everyday.