Selfish

The Other Boys

October 9th, 2001

Kay looked over her shoulder from the front row of the risers and winked at me. Mrs. Gordy, our very old choir director had once again forgotten our music in her shabby 1960's Honda. Her forgetful nature was always out shadowed by her amazing talent and love for music. Kay and I met in choir two months ago when we were sent to go fetch her metronome from the storage unit down the hall. When Kay told me that her metronome at home was in the shape of a cat, I couldn't stop laughing till we made it back into the music room.

I giggled at Kay before raising my hand. "Mrs. Gordy? Would you like Kay and I to go get the music for you? We know you always park your car behind the band truck," I offered with the polite smile my mother had helped me master.

"Oh! Why yes thank you dear, how sweet. Just let me find my keys..." What she said next was a mumble, though I'm sure she was punishing herself again. "Oh look here they are, in my sweater pocket. Thank goodness! I thought I lost those too!"

I smirked at the tiny old lady that had taught me so much in such a short amount of time. Kay and I scrambled off the risers, quick to get outside and out of class. When we reached the double doors that led to the parking lot, Kay immediately began spilling what was on her mind. 

"Oh my gosh. So did you see Tammy all over Hayden the other day? She won't stop following him around and it is getting on my nerves!" She let out an exasperated sigh, "But, what's worse is he won't tell her to go away!"

I gave her a small smile and a nod, encouraging her to go on. I had also noticed Tammy's obsessive qualities in science. She sat next to Hayden, and another girl Hailey, sat beside him and behind me. Together, their never ending discussions with Hayden kept me quiet. Every so often I would turn around and send him a look of pity, and he would look at me with desperate eyes before returning his attention back to them. That was our only communication. 

I sighed thinking about it.

"I have been Hayden's best friend since middle school and I can't even get a word in when she is around! Why can't he just see that I like him!" She threw her hands up.

My heart sank and I could feel the bile in my throat rise almost making me gag. If she liked him, and they were actually friends, then I could not have him. Ever. It was just an unquestionable rule with friends.

Kay took my slight frown as confusion and continued, "Oh that's right, you don't know. I.. well I um sorta like him." 

I giggled, "No really? I didn't know that from what you just said a second ago." My sarcasm was pretty obvious.

She smiled and shook her head. "Yeah well things between Hayden and I.. well it's just too confusing. One moment he'll say the sweetest thing, and the next... it's like he has forever friend zoned me." But what she didn't realize was that now I was truly friend zoned until she got over him. Well, that is if she got over him. 

By now we had reached the old and overused car that was decorated in an unrecognizable color. I pressed down on the unlock button and Kay opened the car's back door. She leaned in for a second and resurfaced holding the large three-inch black binder with a triumphant smile on her face. After closing the door and locking it back up, I pushed my hands in my jean pockets trying to think about what had just happened. 

I never even had the chance with him. I was too shy to even speak to him when he obviously wanted me to. I had failed to pick up on the subtle hints that Kay liked him when she would talk about their friendship. And now.. well, now I couldn't do anything about it.

"Carter?" Her voice unsteady, "Do you think he'll ask me to homecoming?"

I couldn't turn around and face her yet, but I said, "Yeah, definitely." My voice cracked and I prayed she didn't detect the emotion in it.