It started when I was 11. I sat in the classroom full of girls who were shifting awkwardly in their seats and passing notes about how odd the things being shown on the screen were. Puberty, growing up, becoming a woman. Becoming a woman. There was something about that made me uncomfortable. I didn't know what or why it was so significant to me but it stuck with me.
7th grade, I was in the locker rooms and I didn't feel right. It wasn't just insecurity I wasn't meant to be here. I remember waiting until everyone else was done changing and being late to PE because I was terrified there was something wrong with me.
I never really understood what was wrong, I guessed that I was gay or something like that but even once I'd told my mom I still didn't feel right. It was something inside I guess. I remember I had seen a documentary about transgender children and once again it stuck with me, I cried the first time I watched it.
I came out as genderfluid to my friends online when I was 12 but I still didn't feel right. After a while of thinking and then seeing that documentary again I felt a connection and I felt like I'd broken through a wall that'd been up for years. I was a boy.
Now I'm here. I'm 13 and I'm coming out to my family as transgender tomorrow. I feel like my entire life has been leading up to this moment and when I do this I'll be opening up some kind of doorway to being happier and healthier, mentally. Thank you all so much. Everyone who's ever read my midnight ramblings and voted for this mess of a book or whatever this is. Every little notification has built up my courage and made me a better person overall. Thank you.
