FEAR

He might be gone

The air was harsh, my breathing was rapidly increasing, he wasn't nearby, I never thought that he had such an impact on me. I walked among the bushes, the wide trees. It was all bright, colourful, cheerful, but my mood became even sadder, I became empty. I just wanted to escape, because it was my fault and only mine. The rush still pumped in my veins and made my exercise much easier, everything in me was jumping, the whole world seemed more unclear- a blur, my hands were fast, as my legs, my mind travelled at the speed of light between the forests My reckless eyes observed my surroundings, unable to focus, my body became unsettling. The air was harsh, the crack in my heart grew larger. This whole thing seemed pointless and even worse it was my fault.

"Stellaaaa..! "- The voiced echoed through the branches. The birds seemed to be quiet for an instant, as the voice became known to me, I stopped. I paused. I wasn't sure what to say but. I had to.

There was no second tentative, still, I had to go. My legs were sore, my eyes red of so much crying and my breath kept being each time more unbearable. For some time I stopped myself, I didn't want to feel the whole, the sadness that all the memories brought up through the ocean of kisses and hugs. My safe place was him.

The steps were slower, each with a crack in the woods and an atmosphere filled with the beautiful singing of the birds, the wind dancing with all the grand branches. They danced amazingly, and all became too much. Too much colour, too many memories.

I saw her, she was standing on the edge of the forest, right where the sand started, and she wore this large shirt, Thomas's shirt. Her feet, were bare, buried in the pale sand. Her face seemed tired like she hadn't slept, but her gorgeous face was dived in all of the worries that unfortunately my heart can relate to, the loss of a loved one.

"Hey," I said as I approached her. She jerked her head in my direction, her eyes met mine. I knew. Eleanor was disappointed that I lied. She earlier the day before she had found that I and Theo were in a relationship. She hadn't said anything, but her eyes screamed with discontent. Eleanor gave me a sweet smile wither baby doll face. I tried to return it, failing.

"I prepared dinner, you should come and eat something" She once again smiled, but was even colder. The ice cracking between us, made my gut twist. We never were so further apart like this so fewer words. Our talks would be long, detailed, secretive. She was like a sister to me. Her body moved away gracefully, leaving a light, small steps in the sand. I followed her pace, leaving a grand space between us. I entered the house, feeling the fresh atmosphere, the breeze relieved me for instants, my body gave itself in, surrendering to a relaxing feeling. Shutting down slowing my feelings: frustration, tighten heart, iced from all the wounds. I come in, the window doors were open, and the entrance is filled with suitcases. Spotting Mason's suitcase, I take it to my room. Informing Eleanor that I'll come to the table in 5. My room was large.