A Bad Boy's Brother (Book #2)

13. Electricity

Ryder's P.O.V.

Sparks flew. Electricity shot across my skin, through my veins, and everything felt right. Corey's hand tangled in my hair and he pressed against me until we were against the door, and I felt his teeth graze my lip. My body screamed for more as I kissed him back and moved my hands around his neck to get a better angle as I kissed him. Stop, stop, stop. Ryder. This isn't right. You need to stop before this goes further. Just knock it off, and you can walk away undamaged from this. He is not good for you. I didn't care about what my conscience was telling me. Just like when he had kissed me for the first time, all that mattered was him.

He tried to mutter something against my lips, but I couldn't understand him.

I nipped his lip gently and he groaned softly, picking me up suddenly, to my surprise. He kissed me harder and my pulse hammered enthusiastically as we kissed. Even when we were dating we'd never gotten this intense.

Finally, our lips broke apart, both of us gasping for air.

His eyes were so dark they were almost black, and his hair was messy now. I hadn't realized when I tangled my fingers in his hair to pull him closer to me. Corey was looking at me with such intensity and desire that it almost made me shiver to look at him. He leaned forward and kissed me again, more gently now, but it was too late. He'd given me time to think about what was happening, and I didn't want it anymore.

I pushed on his chest, but there was no room behind my head for me to pull away from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked huskily, his lips trailing over my jaw.

"S-Stop," I managed to stutter out just before his lips moved to my neck.

"What's wrong?" he asked more seriously, pulling back to look at me this time. His eyes were confused and losing the passion that they had held when we were kissing, and they were beginning to focus on me again. "Ryder?"

"I was right."

"Isn't that a good thing? You love being right."

No. What I love is you. And I really wish I didn't. "Not about this."

He let me down slowly, letting my feet touch the ground. "What do you mean?"

Tears were beginning to well up in my eyes. "I don't want to love you," I whispered. "But I do. And I don't want to. I just...I want to get over you and move on with my life, because you're going to hurt me so much more if I don't. I want to be in love with Cain, but I can't be. Because of you. Because I'm still in love with you. And I hate it."

Corey's eyes reflected mine almost immediately; confused and hurt.

I closed my eyes, wishing that I could just disappear from this entire situation.

"You're in love with me," he said slowly, "but you don't want to be."

I couldn't find my voice to tell him that what he was asking was correct.

"Well I'm in love with you, and I want to be."

I'd never wanted to disappear so badly in my life.

"Please," he whispered, moving so that his forehead was against mine, "Please just give me a chance, Ryder. I will never hurt you again, I swear to you. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you if you let me. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. Just let me...try. Even if I can't do it, I want to try to make it up to you. Please."

Listening to him beg was ripping out the stitches that I had used to heal the wound he left. I wanted so badly to tell him that I wanted him too and that I was willing to give him a chance, but I couldn't. If I did that, he would hurt me so much worse than he had hurt last time.

"I can't do that," I finally got out, my voice shaking.

"Please."

"I can't." The pain in my voice was evident, as was the pain in his.

"You are all I want, Ryder. You're all I care about, and I will spend every second from this moment on proving how much I love you if you give me one more chance to show you."

I wanted so badly to accept it.

But I couldn't. I couldn't put myself through that again. If it took me ten months to get over him before I had realized I was in love with him, I could only imagine how long it would take me to get over him this time; hell, I hadn't even gotten over him in the ten months. I couldn't risk the aftermath of what was going to happen.

"I think you should leave," I whispered.

Every muscle in Corey's body tensed; I felt it. "Okay." His voice sounded choked. "If that's what you want me to do, Ryder. I'll leave."

It's not what I want. It's what I have to do.

I didn't say anything.

After a few moments of what seemed like him waiting for me to change my mind--which I desperately wanted to do--he finally stepped away from me.

I moved out of the way, stepping from in front of the door, and let him leave.

The worst decision I'd ever made in my life was to look him in the eyes at that moment. The level of sadness and pain and confusion was more than I'd ever seen before, and it was heartbreaking to look at.

I was certain that I'd never forget the way he looked at me in that moment.

I'd broken his heart, and I'd done a damn thorough job of it.