Captain Of My Soul (Larry / Narry)

Flashing Lights & Aching Hearts

"Harry! Harry! What has coming out been like for you-"

"Harry, Is there a particular man on the-"

"Mr Styles! Does this mean that your relationship with Taylor Swift was-"

"Excuse me! What do your bandmates think about-"

"Harry! How have your family reacted to-"

"Mr Styles! Will this affect your place in the band, will you have to-"

"Harry, is this a sign that Larry Stylinson is infact true?"

Who would've thought it? Who would've thought that a kid like me would get this far? Who could have imagined that me being gay would cause such a storm around the world? I certainly didn't!

I'm just a 19 year old, people forget that sometimes, I'm only 19, I don't have all the answers. I've become accustomed to flashing lights and the ever-present news reporters, but this was different. No fan mob, no concert has ever been as intense as this. The focus isn't on the band, it's just me. I can't hide behind Louis or Niall, I can't look to Liam for support when I'm asked a question. It hasn't stopped since I announced to the world that I am gay.

Some of the questions were pure idiocy - of course my family are supportive, they've known for years! As for my bandmates... they're my best friends as well as colleagues, I told them a long time ago! We're in 2013 for heaven's sake, management couldn't kick me out of the band without causing worldwide uproar!

Some questions were intrusive. I've just told the world I'm gay, I'm not ready to disclose any more personal information! 

Some questions hurt. Alot. One woman asked if I realised that I was a bad rolemodel to teenagers, another woman asked me if I was aware of my sins. I know I'm not a bad rolemodel, I was raised well and my parents taught me that being gay is perfectly acceptable. I still believe them.

"Mr Styles will not be answering any more questions"

I uttered a sigh of relief. I knew I had to answer questions, make sense of the situation for confused fans, but this was awful. I was tired. I was weary. I had heard the word "gay" more times today than I could care to remember!

I didn't talk to anyone on the journey back to the flat. I just sat. I sat and appreciated the quiet serenity in the taxi as I slowly tried to relax. I had never felt so many eyes staring at me, judging me.

I made my way into the flat and collapsed onto the sofa. The boys gathered around me - they wanted to attend the press conference out of support, but management deemed it "uneccessary".

They didn't fill me with questions, they knew how I felt, they always knew how I felt. Louis placed an arm around me and Niall supportively smiled at me. Liam and Zayn exchanged a knowing glance - I didn't understand what they were thinking, I was too tired to try.

Niall finally broke the, now unsetteling, silence by saying "I'm proud of you Harry, that's the bravest thing I've ever seen!". His irish accent was thick and his cheeks flushed a rosy shade of pink, this wasn't like him. Niall was sheepish on occasion, but he looked straight up embarassed! Niall was much more simple than the other boys, but he could still be a mystery to me. I had seen many sides to Niall Horan, but this was a different type of vunerability. A sense of respect like no other.

I said good night to the boys before going to bed. I could sit and try to understand their views all night, but I was tired. Very tired.