A Collection Of Love Stories About Unanimate Objects

The Prideful Toaster

Doodley-Bob the toaster,
Such a prideful one was he,
He dwelled "upon a window"
(At least metaphorically)

His sides were shiny plastic
Lined with sleek stainless steel.
He boasts that because of him,
Breakfast was the "hottest meal".

Despite his noble name
He was sort of narcissistic,
Yet surprisingly he loved
Someone slightly simplistic.

That someone was a human,
Referred to as Dave,
A lover of apple juice,
And whose love Bob craved.

But Dave was oblivious,
To Bob's growing affection
He only used him to hide puppets
And for breakfast confections.

"Should I tell him?" Bob pondered,
Because it pained him to know,
For Dave was not under,
The homosexual rainbow.

But he was not discouraged,
Until one day he found
A girl's name that
rhymed with Dave's.
Except for one sound...

Jade was her name
With Dave, she constantly talked
Through social media and Skype
While Bob mutely stalked.

Seeing the love of his life,
Being electronically toiled,
Made Bob's circuits crackle,
And patience thin as foil.

His fury increased
As he angrily raved
"How can this lowly mortal,
Be worthy of my Dave!?!"

He planned for her demise,
And was furiously plotting
A way to win back Dave
While the food started rotting...

One day, in a fit of rage,
Bob jumped much too far;
He fell off the counter
And it shut down his heart.

So Dakota's ship was saved
When Bob pulled the plug,
Yet she only smiled
But looked evilly smug.

So if you ever want to read
Of an emotional roller coaster
Look no further than the tale
Of Doodley-Bob the Toaster