Ma Belle (A Michael Clifford Imagine)

My math teacher just dragged on and on while I stayed focused on my note.

'They've all turned on me,'

I let my pen speak for me, to say everything I won't be able to say when I'm gone.

'I feel like I've fallen too far to be picked up again like last time.'

I never thought I'd have the guts to write my final note until today; when I realized that even the one person I thought I could trust with everything betrayed me.

'Lina, you were my best friend and I will always love you for sticking by me but you're a backstabbing bitch,'

I could feel my hand tensing up as I write each word about Lina and Elyssa. They were my friends but as they got closer I got pushed to the side. Usual friend stuff for me though, but this is the last time it's going to happen, because after today they won't have the chance to hurt me because...I'll be gone.

'You were both my friends, yes maybe I only trusted and really only talked to Lina but Elyssa you pulled away. You knew how much that was crushing me because I would talk to Lina about it. Yet then, I didn't get it did I? I didn't know I wasn't good enough for either of you and I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect friend you guys would have wanted.'

Tears were building up in my eyes, I took a quiet breath through my mouth before allowing myself to glance up at my teacher so I could violently wipe away my tears. Before I went back to my note I looked around the classroom and made eye contact with one person, he sat in the back of the room across from me. I felt bad because I never even knew his name but I guess that doesn't matter much now. I sniffled and went back to my paper.

'As for my parents, all you do is fight! I'm glad you've been trying to make what you call a marriage work but there is no way you'll ever be as happy as you were. Dad you're a cheater and you need to accept that. Mom, you can be a psycho bitch. The last time we fought you threatened me with a hammer then left us. Leaving me so upset I broke my four months clean from cutting. Yes I'm admitting it to you both and whomever is going to read this. I still cut myself, almost everyday since our big fight mom.'

My pen halted when I felt a tap against the back of my leg. I put my pen down gently turning around and making eye contact with the same boy that I had before. He was the nerdy type, into video games; like really into video games, and he was super smart. Not street smart but very book smart; yet he didn't fit the look of a nerd. He has bleach blond hair that has been dyed multiple different colors over the years he's lived here. "What?" I worded to him and his eyes changed from being locked with my own to locking with my paper.

When he looked back up he worded back to me, "Why are you going to kill yourself?"

My face froze along with my heart and I went pale. Quickly I turned back to my desk and stared down at my paper but I couldn't pick my pen back up. How did he know? There's no way he could read my paper from his seat, he was diagonally across from me! I laid my head on my desk and just continued to take deep breaths, this is fucking crazy. I could feel myself beginning to doze off when the bell rang. I refused to move until I left the same tap as before but on my shoulder. "Hey..."

I looked up from my desk and it was the same boy, "What do you want?" I snapped; not meaning to sound mean but it definitely sounded like it.

"What's up?" He asked with a cute smile but I turned my head away from him causing his smile to fall. "I know we've never spoken before but I'm just going come out and say that kill yourself is a huge mistake."

I turned my head back and glared at him, "How would you know?! You don't know my life!" I shouted at him and he sighed softly but smiled. "How did you even know..." I trailed off now looking towards the clock.

"It was written all over your face, and your actions. Tearing up a little but what really have it away was the fact you kept looking around the room to make sure no one was noticing you." He explained and looked towards the floor, "I would know, I've done it so many times."

I picked up my books from my desk and stood up, "I guess...but I need to catch the bus it was nice talking to you." My mind wasn't changed as I started walking out of the room.

I was stopped when there was a tug on my sweatshirt, "Please don't go yet. I'll drive you home." He shot me a cheeky smile and I just sighed but nodded. "Thank you," he put out his hand to me, "My name's Michael,"

I took his hand and shook it, "Michelle." I looked down, "But for some reason my friends call me Belle."

Michael laughed, "Well they do rhyme."

I blushed picking up the paper from my desk and folding it as I spoke, "When we were younger it was hard to pronounce Michelle so they went with Belle because she was my favorite princess."

Michael smiled at me standing up, "Can we discuss this over some frozen yogurt?" He put his hand out to me and I took it with a weak smile. He held my hand tightly as he walked me to his car allowing me to feel how he cared. Every few minutes Michael would use his free hand to toss his hair, he seemed so comfortable with himself something I've never been able to feel. "Belle?" I looked up at Michael but he was looking straight ahead, "Can I read..." He trailed off and I looked up letting myself take in the sunlight but sighing with a chuckle.

"You wanna read my suicide letter?" I asked bluntly and Michael didn't respond at first, we finished our walk to his car before he answered.

"Yea, just to see how you view your life...I wanna help you." Michael explained opening the passenger door for me.

"I don't need help," I snapped and first getting in the car, Michael frowned but moved to the drivers side. When he sat down I turned to him, "But you can read it."

"Thanks," Michael chimed before started the car and taking off. I looked out the window and I felt suddenly tired, my eyes became heavy and I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up I let my eyes flutter open and I looked right to the driver seat and Michael wasn't there. I sat up quickly and looked around, I was in his car but we were parked by some field. I looked down at my stuff and my note was gone, "Mich-" I started to yell but that's when I saw him sitting in the field holding papers, my note.

I opened the car door and Michael turned hearing me, "Belle come here!" He called and I did as he asked, when I got to him he looked up at me and my heart rate jumped finally getting a good look at his face. His almost white hair against the sun brought out the beautiful pools of blue that he had for eyes. He tapped a spot next to him telling me to sit down next to him, and I did. Michael put the papers in front of me and pointed to one sentence before reading it out loud, "I've learned a lot because of all the friends I have gone through. I've learned that no one had truly ever cared about me let alone even liked me." Michael finished and turned to me, "That's a lie."

"No, it's really not." My eyes fell to my hands where I was tugging at the grass next to my legs. "No one likes me, I'm not worth any of them and they know it. Why else would all of my friends talk about me and just hate me behind my back." Michael's eyes never left me as I spoke, and he just sat there listening. "Lina is the worst of them, I always thought I needed her. I'd beg for her forgiveness all the time thinking that us being friends is what would make me happy but all it ever brought was more fighting." I felt a tear run down my face, "But I do need her, she's supposed to be my best friend. She's supposed to be there for me through thick and thin but all she cares about is if it benefits her. That's why she hangs with Elyssa now because it makes she 'cooler' somehow and I don't know what I ever did wrong."

Michael looked up at the sky before retaliated, "You didn't do anything wrong, they just didn't realize how much they needed you."

"No, that's not true! All Elyssa does is try to one up me! I'm sick of it!" I shouted feeling my tears falling off my face. "She hates me, Lina hates me, everyone hates me! Even myself! I hate myself."

Michael looked me up and down, "I like you." And he gave me the cheekiest smile I've ever seen, but also the cutest. Michael kept his blue eyes locked with my watery brown ones as he wiped away the tears that were staining my cheeks. "Why don't we try life over again? Together."

"What?" I asked letting him hold my face for a bit longer before pulling away to rub my eyes.

"I was where you are just a few days ago, I was traveling down the same road you are right now. When you were writing in math today I knew it, and right now I'm doing what no one would have done for me." Michael took a deep breath in, "Ive never been popular, I only have about three friends but we don't talk that much in school because we don't have any classes together or anything. We actually never see each other, but whenever we do they all talk about things the three of them do together. I'm always that second person, well fourth in this case." He chuckled slightly, "You know I've never been someone's favorite, I know this might sound selfish but I've never been that number one person someone thinks about. I've been in so many situations where someone had to choose between me and another person and I've never picked. Ever."

This time everything happened in reverse, I took Michael's face in my hands and wiped away the tears on his cheek. "I like you, and you're my favorite." I smiled and Michael blushed.

His blush faded when he looked over at the sun that was beginning, "But what does it matter if you're just going to kill yourself?"

I looked away from his quickly and stood up crossing my arms, "Well what does it matter that you actually like me if I'm going to kill myself huh?" I turned snapping at him, Michael just stood up knowing what I said didn't even make sense.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear, "Because you're not going to kill yourself."

I flipped in his arms but didn't completely pull away, "That's not up to you." I could feel tears starting to build up in my eyes. "How do I know you're not just lying to me? Yelling me you care when you really don't!" Now I pulled away and fell atop the soft grass and started crying.

"Belle I wouldn't lie about that..." Michael started but when I started shaking my head he stopped.

"No!" I shouted pulling my hands from my face for that one moment. "Lina said the same thing and now look! She ignores me and makes me feel like I'm completely worthless. I considered her my best friend Michael! But she just turned and stabbed me in the back, I knew she talked shit about me behind my back because I heard it from multiple different people but did I ever say anything about it? No." I sniffled before continuing, "But did that matter? Because I still managed to fuck up! That's all I am is a fuck up, and honestly I hope that she gets betrayed the same way. Where she doesn't do anything wrong but be herself and people just fucking turn on her." I took a deep breath and sighed, "Actually no, no one deserves that to happen to them and if it did what would it matter." I stood up now and walked away from Michael, "I wouldn't be there to see it."

"Well she seems like a bitch." Michael muttered and I turned around to look at him with a smile and a laugh. "See now you're laughing," my smile fell but Michael walked back over to me, "You were crying one second but laughing the next, that's life. You're just in a point of crying but soon you'll be laughing again." Michael took my hand now, "You've just gotta fight through all of this and make this bullshit worth it!" Tears were falling from my face now but I refused to look at Michael until he walked over to me and looked right into my eyes. "You've gotta be a warrior, fight through this."

"But why? Why should I fight anymore!?" I yelled and Michael just pulled me into my chest.

"Because I'm here for you..." I pulled away and looked at him, "You're so much more than Lina's doormat, you're Michelle." He thought for a second then smiled bright, "Michelle, ma belle, these are words that go together well, my Michelle." Michael sang me the classic song 'Michelle' by The Beatles.

"What does 'ma belle' mean?" I asked softly and Michael brought his face close to mine.

"My beautiful." He answered before pushing his lips softly against mine. I kissed him back just as gently allowing him to feel comfortable enough to wrap his arms around my waist. When we pulled away he looked me right in the eyes, "Please don't hurt yourself..."

"Only if you'll be there to catch me if I fall." I responded and Michael smiled back at me.

"I'll be beside you until you don't need me anymore." He looked to the floor slightly but I brought his face back up with my pointer finger.

"I might not need you forever, but I'll always want you." I kissed him now and Michael just blushed, "My favorite."

Michael hugged me now and whispered in my ear, "Ma Belle."