bubba

True feelings

~Gumballs POV~

"It does, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't even think you would care...about me. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me and that fucking hurt! So I hit a low point and turned to Fionna who I didn't know had feelings for me...and at that point I was so lonely that I went for it...just to feel...something! Do you know how hard it is to not feel anything, for years! I wanted to feel alive and even though you didn't feel the same you let me feel that way and I just wanted-" he started to cry

I looked at him, he looked almost as hurt as I felt.

"Marshall I do care about you, that's why I came here and that's why I was so hurt. Ever since you kissed me it's been all I could think about, I don't know how I feel but I know that I like being with you even if I don't show it..." I trail off a small smile tugging at my lips

"Gumball...I don't know anything anymore" he looks ashamed but he continues, " I can't get you out of my head, and I know I play it cool like I'm some tough guy but I've been through hell and I'm sick of it, I'm sick of not knowing and constantly being let down and hurt. I'm sick of not being with you, I'm sick of telling myself that you would never feel the same way, I'm sick of being so alone" his voice is raspy as if he is dying from each word. I look at him speechless.
Marshall just poured his feeling out to me and I can't even blink to respond

"Marshall I didn't know...I wouldn't have-" he cuts me off, "don't, I know you could never feel the same. And I'm not one for sympathy" he looks away so disappointingly.

"I didn't say that" I say concerned by the words that just left my mouth, "just because I don't know how I feel doesn't mean I don't care about you, I obviously do...I just-" I stop myself, so many words running through my mind and I can't get them all out.

"Please stop, this is hurting me more than it is you. I've been around for so long and I've seen so many people...people that I loved...leave for good. I can't bare to put myself through it again but I can't help what I feel, and I hate myself everyday for it. Because in the end I'm the one who winds up hurt with no one to turn to" I can tell this is hard for him by the way his body tenses up.

"I would never hurt you Marshall, please know that" I look at him intently.

"I know you wouldn't intentionally, but it's what you can't control that hurts me the most" he looks up, tears burning is cheeks.

I look at him confused, and he reads my facial expression. "Being forgotten." He says bluntly but I can tell he's fighting back the emotions

It's then I realize everything, I feel the hurt in his voice and in his expression, I long to comfort him and wish to just make him feel better. It's then I realize my true feelings.

Being forgotten is more painful then death. When you die its quick and people usually know when it going to happen. Being forgotten is slowly dying everyday and the ones you love start to care less and less. I see now what Marshall meant.

"I will never forget you Marshall lee, ever" I look at him with tears filling my eyes. "How do you know that?" He asks fighting back his own tears, "because when you have a brain like mine, you don't forget" I tilt his chin up and smile, hoping he understands. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth and he throws his arms around me, I follow and we stay like that for a while.
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Hey guys! Again sorry for the short chapter...it was originally part of the last chapter but I decided to split them up. Make sure to leave your comments, ideas, questions, anything! You guys are all so important and I thank you for reading...are you enjoying it so far? I WANT TO KNOW  not sure if I'm good or not lol. Please tell me any ideas you have and your opinions
Love,
~ellice❤️