Boxed | EDITING

Trustworthy?/ Dan

I miss Ashton and Carson, a lot more than I'd like to admit. Ashton moved to America, and Carson moved to a new house and school four hours away. It's pretty awful watching Phil and Hazel meet up after school every day, while I sit alone on the steps. But they've been inviting me to come with them recently. I feel liked. For once in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere. I'm realizing that they've seen more of the real Dan than anyone else. They still don't know about my insecurities though. Well, I feel like Hazel knows. Not because I told her. I feel like she just figures stuff like that out. She knows people.

Seeing the way she and Phil interact, is that what friendship is supposed to look like? I've never had a real friend.

I don't want to call them my friends yet, because what if they don't want to be friends, and are just being nice? It's easier to just keep to myself.

It's impossible for me for me to focus in class, I'm to busy worrying about Phil and Hazel liking fake Dan, and then rejecting me when they find out what I'm really like. Just like everyone else. I wish people didn't assume I'm a stuck up jerk as soon as they find out how I live. I wish I hadn't ever put this mask on. Because it's stuck now.

I don't know what to feel when I see Carson walking up to me, he raises a hand for a high- five. I can't help but see him differently now that I've seen a real friendship. But I'm not ready to face the monsters in my mind that I've hidden from for so long. I high- five him and put on my act.

I run up to my bedroom as soon as I get home. I want to write about how I feel, in hopes it'll help me lighten up. As I walk past my mirror, I can't help but look at myself, dressed in $300 jeans, $1,500 shoes, a $150 t-shirt, and a $2,000 black leather jacket.

(a/n) I'm using dollars instead of pounds because I'm american.

I sigh, I've never been blessed with bravery. I don't have it in me to change. To force the mask off my face.

I need someone I can trust, who will stick with me through thick and thin. I need Phil and Hazel. I need to know what friendship is supposed to feel like.