Never Say Goodbye (Discontinued)

Diary entry #4

February 17, 2116

Today was the first day waking up without Alfred by my side. And let me tell you it was a really painful experience.

~Flashback~

After I finished crying Matthew sent me to bed. I didn't argue and did as I was told.

I had fallen asleep almost instantly.

Of course I had to have a wonderful dream about my love. I know it seems like a good thing but really it isn't.

We were sitting under the big tree in my backyard which was also my heart.

We were going to spend the day celebrating Peter's birthday. But before that we decided to sit in the backyard and relax. The boy was currently sleeping with his head in my lap.

"So Artie what do you want to do for our fifty year anniversary?" Alfred asked nuzzling his hair.

"Hmm how about we do what you want to do."

"Sorry but we can't do that. It's your turn to decide what we do this year."

"Then I want you to make what we're doing a surprise." I challenged.

Alfred chuckled at that. "Alright, I'll think of something. But first we need to celebrate a certain micro nation's birthday." Alfred said leaning over and tickled Peter.

Peter began to laugh startling me.

"You've been awake this whole time?" I asked.

"No, I woke up a little while ago but I felt so comfortable that I stayed still. Now let's go. I want to go to the amusement park and get sick on sweets!" Peter shouted as he ran into the house.

Alfred picked me up bridal style and I gave out (an embarrassing) squeak. I wrapped my arms around him a began to laugh in delight.

I woke up with a smile on my face. I reached over what was usually Alfred's side of the bed only to find it empty.

I sat up and looked around in confusion only to realize right after that it was just a dream and Alfred was dead.

I felt the tears fall but I didn't do anything to stop them. I laid back down and let them fall.

A few hours later I smelt food.

After a while I heard a knock on my door but I didn't bother to answer. Instead I turned away from the door and pretend to be asleep.

I the heard the door open.

"Arthur?"

I didn't answer and instead slowed my breathing and even mumbled Alfred's name to make it more realistic.

"I know you're awake..."

I still didn't move.

"I'll just leave a plate of food on your desk. It's French toast and scrambled eggs. I hope you like it."

I heard him put the plate down and then close the door.

Throughout the day Matthew or Ivan would check up on me and every time I pretended to be asleep.

We all knew that I was awake but the other two knew that it was best not to bother me.

I guess they were giving me time to grieve.

~Flashback end~

Why does it hurt so much? Why couldn't he live? And why him? What did he do to deserve this?

I just want the pain to go away...