Diary Evening Cicadas

Day #5: August 26, Would You Smile?

Yusuke POV

~

August 26, 15:11
Would You Smile?

Smile, that is your favorite word. It's bring up your tention high, and always makes you happy and relief. I'm always get confused by you, what makes smile so special to you? Is it because it means that we're happy? Is it because it's warmth you? I couldn't understand it.

And, I don't want to understand it.

———

Today, you brought me to the shrine, Fushimi Shrine. The maple leaf is swaying and falling to the ground. Ren, what do you want actually? Pray together with me? It's nice thoight, even thought I don't actually feel like it.

Today, the breeze is keeping up with the air. It's sunny though, but now, the sun is getting ready to set at the west. At that time, everyone getting ready to finish up they're work, and go back to they're own places.

But, for today, Ren and I would set like the sun late enough. Since, I have to follow Ren to this Fushimi Shrine. But, it's kinda weird. She stops at the front gate and start staring at a stone. It's a grave, I think?

I keep my walking pace up and stops beside Ren. What is she doing what that stone? Is that somone's special for her? Like her family or something?

"Hey, Yu-chan, come look at it!~. ."

What's so good about it? Is it something like miracles happens in it? I take a step forward and touch it a few times. I then realize that's there's a red scarf on it. Wait a second, isn't this scarf was Ren's scarf before? It's the birthday present that I gave to her at her 9th birthday. Why is it here?

"Yu-chan. . .~"

"Hm? What's wrong?"

She suddenly had the guts to look at me with a blank expression, and I couldn't help but to keep staring at her. She then open her mouth bravely speaks under her breath.

"If I'm gone tomorrow, would you smile?"

I'm surprised with the words that she speaks out. But, did she really already prepare herself to keep up her pace? She said it will be August 27, so it will be tommorow? But I still want to enjoy some times more with her. Is it really the time for her to go?

"I can't answer that, Ren. . ."

With a blank eyes, stuttering voice, hearts that skips a beat, I don't know if I could really agree to what she's already decided. It's not about my answers right now, it's about how we both feels right now.

If I smiles at your grave, I think I couldn't help but suicide myself too. Death defies your smile, is that okay? As I couldn't help but drop a tears of despair, you bravely smiles at me, and erased my tears.

"It's okay! I won't go for long!~"

It's not about how long you go, it's for eternity. I can't live on with knowing that you're not in this world anymore. I'm so tired with crying and crying the same tears. I lose you once, so I'm gonna lose you again? And now, for eternity? It's like my heart doesn't give a break, and it's still pumping up to it's desire.

My chest's hurt. Really really hurt. I don't know how to calm myself. If I barely has a strong power to keep you from suicide like this, maybe it's enough for me to live on like this.

From the start, what are you planning anyway? What do you want to do? Is it really necessary for you to go? It's really annoying how I keep myself from asking, asking and asking all sorts of question.

But all of it, because I love you. And I want to know more about you.

Naoki Ren, if you could—. . .

***