Doe (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Forty-Six

"I told you she wouldn't mind," Doe said, once her sister had walked out.

"Wouldn't mind!" Draco repeated.

"She understands a bit better now but it doesn't help anyone feel any better. And she's right there is nothing we can do." Doe told him kindly, "We can't bring back Tim right now, we still have a long time to spend without him. But I'm glad you'll get to see him again," Doe said sadly.

"We also have to do this again," Kitty sighed.

"I'm sorry. I thought eternal life sounded wonderful before," Doe hugged her.

"That's what I wanted you to think," Kitty smiled.

Draco was pacing, swearing under his breath.

"Hey," Doe called to him, he looked at her in agitation, "She'll be alright, she just needs to get her head around it. She accepts everyone in the end. Look at her and Dechuange."

He nodded but continued to run his hands through his hair.

"Maybe you did it too early, too quickly?" Kitty said to him, "I mean she's just heard her father is dead."

Draco stopped and stared at her aghast, "That's what we were talking about, Tim killed Lord Cecil and rushed into having to explain it all, to defend Tim. To defend us and...I fucked up."

"Tim killed Lord Cecil?"

"Yes, Lord Cecil was the reason he lost it, he told Tim that Blanche was taken in a raid and Tim went crazy, but it was accident, he didn't mean to kill anyone. He just lost it," Draco's distress was mounting.

"Okay, okay calm down," Kitty stood up and tried to calm her brother.

"It's alright Draco, Francis will forgive you," Doe told him, "You may not have done it in the right order, but at least she knows now and she can think about it later. I'm going to go find her to talk about Cecil."

She got to her feet and brushed herself down. As she walked out she realised she didn't have her matches. She paused in the entranceway and was surprised to see her sister standing just a few yards away.

"Francis, what are you doing just standing in the dark?" Doe asked her, catching up her arm.

"I don't know how to find my way out, do I?" her sister told her miserably.

Doe almost laughed but restrained herself, feeling funny now after all the rush of adrenaline, "Let's go together."

They set off Francis holding matches alight.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Doe said to her.

"What?"

"I knew about them being old," Doe whispered.

"I don't care. And not to be horrible, Doe but why would I care about their other lives? I'm only in this one," Francis sighed, lighting another match.

"That's a very good way to look at it," Doe grimaced.

"It only affects me if Tim comes to my deathbed a five year old boy or something," Francis assured her, "Besides, how can you believe it really? I mean I know it's true but I'll never see it."

"I guess," Doe shrugged, "You know they don't really remember previous lives very well, Kitty says the older they get the more frequent the flashbacks but says it's more like déjà vu."

"Shame."

They were in the main part of the house now and Francis hesitated on which way to turn but Doe carried on leading her back to the nursery. All the time they walked Francis felt more drained and angry. She didn't want to go back to Kitty's room, she wanted to go home, and she wanted to take Doe and go to her mother's and go to bed. But they went to Kitty's room and sat down on the bed.

"Why are you angry?" Doe asked her.

"I'm angry because..." she started feeling the rage pulsing through her but as she tried to find the words, as she tried to construct them into sentences to explain how she felt and why she felt it, it all suddenly made too much sense. It was all so obvious why she was upset and for a moment she hated that her sister had tricked her. She burst into tears and allowed her sister to cuddle her as all the emotion shook her, 'I'm angry because my friend died. I'm angry because my father died. I'm angry because I thought you were dead. I'm angry because I thought Draco was dead. I'm angry because I think Dechuange is dead. I'm angry because I'm helpless and I don't know what to do,' repeated in her head as she cried.

Eventually, she was all cried out and so was Doe. She felt bad that she had made Doe cry, which had hurt her face but also that it had made them laugh guiltily at each other. They felt a little better for having let it all go. When Kitty arrived, Francis listened more intently as she and Doe repeated the new information about the Luries. She tried to be rational about it, a life was a life even if he had multiple ones and this was her only one. How his previous lives had impacted on him in this one she couldn't guess and it wasn't too important to know how he had got here. History was too full and too sparse for her to fill in even if they had been able to tell her everything. Why he thought he should be punished for it was beyond her capacity too and the girl's seemed to be in agreement that it was ridiculous. She had always known he was a survivor, they all were, given the chance.

Later that evening when they were in bed, she sensed he wanted to talk about it.

"Don't you have any more questions?" he asked her.

She shook her head, "it all makes perfect sense."

"You're not curious about what happened before?"

"Did something important happen? I paid attention in history class, I can guess what you had to live through," she murmured.

"I just thought that when I told someone they'd be more..."

"This life is what I care about," she sighed, "sorry."

"No, that's fine. That's good."