ezria::forget me not

20

"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."  
  ―Steve Maraboli

Ezra Fitz, 4 years after.

In the past few years of my life, I had my fair share of scares in life. I thought i had a son when I was 18, but i didn't until I was 30, and I had him with the most beautiful girl I ever could have the pleasure of loving. And when i was 32, I had a daughter of my own. Things had changed in a big way. Alison was dead, and ever since i found out, all I could think about was Marley. I wondered if there were ever times she thought about me. Not as her stepfather, but as her real father. I wondered if Toby was good to her. I wondered if he ever got clean. I wondered how much her life had changed without me. How much she knew about her mother, or if her father was only sharing the good things about Alison. Never the bad. I hated Alison. She kept the biggest parts of my life locked away for 7 years, that was something i could never forgive, but she did have a wonderful daughter that we shared. I had been thinking a lot about Alison lately. We kept Alison's suicide note in the second drawer in the kitchen with birthday cards and other important memorabilia from the past 3 years i had spent with Aria. We were married on Labor Day in Upstate New York and have lived there ever since with our two kids. We basically lived on cloud nine. Jem was growing up everyday and Daisy's endless crying seemed to be becoming less and less of an occurrence, because of the sudden halt of drama in our lives, i have talked to Aria about reading Alison's letter and going though the things she had left us. The two boxes sat in the garage where neither of us had to see them, but it was a cloudy day yesterday when we were both feeling like facing a part of our past that stayed a cracked door that had to be closed. I'm glad that it's all over now, and i have almost full closure on that part of my life. I feel like there's something missing through all of this though. Marley will be 8 next month, and there isn't anything i wouldn't do to see her. I miss her everyday. Jem reminds me of her when he draws. He doesn't have a stuffed elephant that he clings to, but a peacock instead. I love Marley so much. I hope to god that she's alright. If heaven exists, I hope to god that Alison is watching her. If i have anything left to say aboout the infamous Alison DiLaurentis, it's that we shared one love in this world, that's Marley.

Dear Ezra Fitz and Aria Montgomery.

If you want to define a beautiful love story, it would begin and end with you. You received this letter because you got a call from me asking to see you. This was mailed the same day. I knew you guys wouldn't come. I really can't blame you. You may think that what I've done is selfish. You're right. I can't live with myself after knowing what i have done to you both and my daughter. I literally lied for 7 years, Ezra. The last thing i deserve is sympathy and the last thing you two deserve is lies. I have killed myself because i am no longer safe. Even in prison.

This portion of the letter is for Ezra.

Ezra, I would like to apologize. Marley was the light of your life. But i want you to know that you are not the only one Toby is keeping her from. Since I've been locked up, I have called 143 times and sent 56 letters. I keep tally on the cell walls with a sharpie. I saw her once, and she was just as beautiful as you will ever remember her. She looks like me, and you'll be pleased to know that she doesn't look anything like Toby. Toby may not have even been the father after all, but there's nothing we can do about that now. I am sending you two boxes. One is all of the money you made from the book you published after the car accident, and the second is photos of Marley that I had Jason collect from my parents house. I feel you'll also be pleased to know that i have something set up for years down the line where you can see Marley again. I wont disclose when and what, but just know there will come a day when you see your girl again and i can watch from the clouds happily. I only wanted happiness for you, and I hope that you can understand that I am coming full circle when saying I, Alison DiLaurentis, am an awful person. I've done horrible things, but i do hope you and a very pregnant Aria come to the celebration of my life. Jason told me about Aria. Congratulations! I would like you to also know that I really did love you, and the years we spent together were the best i have ever had. Though they were lies. They were amazing for me. You gave me something worth living for, and now thats over, but i just wanted you to know that much. You are a ray of sunshine in anybody s life. I wish you nothing but good will for the future.