Alive | h.s

seven

Harry's POV

I feel terrible. Why have I been so foolish to neglect someone who has shown nothing but kindness to me the entire time I've known them. I'm wallowing in disappointment currently.

She's in her room calming herself. There's so much I want to say but I'd never be able to say it, hell, even put it all together. What I'd want to bring up is my apologies for being an absolute dick. I don't understand it. I don't understand myself. But I can't let her know that.

She's new and doesn't experience things like I did when I was new. I fought till I physically could not stand. They were harsh on me but they said it would only make me stronger, fix me even. Did I believe them? Shit no.

The staff here are more mental than any crazy old man talking to plants like they're the loves of his life. I swear. Anyone who thinks abuse is a cure to mental illness is wrong in their right mind. I don't know why these fuckers think it's appropriate to electrocute somebody for skipping a meal, or even talking to the wrong person.
It's messed is all I can say. Painful as shit and nobody as innocent as most in this god forsaken place deserves the bullshit we go through.

I can't imagine what Elise was going through. I had to see her though. Fucking hell it was hard to not wrap her in my arms and kiss the hell out of that bruised cheekbone of hers. But all I could do was be an arse. Because my ego took over and every time it does, regret follows. Even thinking about her getting hit makes my mind go dark.

I hate myself so fucking much for not doing anything about it. For ignoring her calls. For dropping her as a new friend. For watching her get shoved by that bitch in the cafeteria who's name is too irrelevant for me to even remember.

I was going to get up and finally apologize to her but that one fucking guy, Calum Hood. Always in the way. Always there first. What a guy right?

At least it's over and I've at least spoken with her briefly.  I'm going to talk to her again but like, how? What even would I say?
'Hey sorry for ignoring you when you needed me, be my friend?' Hell no. That wouldn't work. Should I try a famous Calum Hood entrance and rescue her? I scoff to myself and remember that time Elise walked into the cafeteria covered in bruises and he came over to her when that one bitch pushed her. I don't even know why she did it. She seems to have a random hatred for Elise, she's been here for a long time.

I really don't want to imagine what Elise was like when she got hit. I wish I could say they were at least kind enough to help her heal. She didn't look well at all. She looked the weakest I'd ever seen her.
I hate myself for being so rude towards her, for no reason! Did I have a reason? No. Of course I didn't.
I hope she gets better.
I still need to think of what to say. It'll be so awkward. What the fuck even.
Ugh.
Okay.
I am doing this.
It's been an hour since I got to my room, I'm not sure when she got to hers.

Fuck.

Did they see her having a panic attack?

If they did ... I don't think I can say anything positive. They hate seeing it.
The staff and 'doctors' believe that forcing the mental illness to go never occur will fix a patient. Well I should say that they think that it'll just stop once the patient doesn't get the attention or sympathy that it'll go away. That's not it. Because I'm sure that's when some one is having a panic attack, it is hard for them to come out of it, it's not their choice to have one.

I just remembered group therapy is today, in an hour and twelve minutes to be exact.
Exciting.

Short chapter :(( I'm not great at this soz,,, vote and comment if ya want? thank uu ily