Alive | h.s

six

Elise
I don't know what I did. What caused me to be in all this pain? I didn't do anything to deserve it. Why does that girl hate me? Why is Calum so nice? It's been four days since they hurt me and I'm still in excruciating pain.

I haven't talked to Harry once, he's ignoring me. He won't even look at me anymore. He saw me going to therapy yesterday, saw the bruise on my cheekbone, and he scoffed. Why would he even do that? He didn't show one sign of sympathy. He's making me feel like I'm the last person he wants to face. I honestly thought that we could've been friends, not anymore though, at least now that he was only being decent because he felt bad for me. Or he did. I was just being stupid but... but I can't help but feel sad about him. It's stupid.

Whatever, its a new day anyways. I down the pills next to my bed and think about going out there. I'm actually really hungry. I don't want to get up. My stomach is completely empty though, I can feel it. Sitting up again was the hardest thing to do, the stitches aren't even close to be healing, they still bleed. I'm still bruised. I take a step and pace across my tiny room to get my legs ready for the day as I put on deodorant that I'm surprised they let me have. I get to wear my clothes sometimes. They set my clothes in a drawer every morning before I wake up. Its obnoxious but I can't stop them.

Should I talk to harry today?

What the hell am I thinking, no way.

Why do I waste my time thinking about him anyway. I've been feeling all these new emotions since i arrived here, with all the new medication and not taking my old pills, I feel very strange. Unlike myself. I barley even think about my mother. Everything has been too stressful for me lately. Maybe I should try to forget everything, everyone, how to feel. It would be so much easier for me.

I run my fingers through my almost white hair, its been a mess since I got here, I never took time to look for a brush. I trudge over to my faded denim backpack that I've had my whole life, I search it, finding nothing I bring it to the bed and turn it upside down, clearing the contents inside. two pairs of white socks, hair ties, a couple of pens, a large black hoodie, and a small leather journal and lastly, my brush. I quickly begin brushing through it so I can braid it and finally get it out of my face. I'm grateful mother taught me how to french braid when I was younger. When I am finished I reach back to feel if its even, but then I remember that I don't care. I cringe at the horrible stinging in my back.

"Its a new day." I whisper before getting up to eat breakfast.

-

As I step into the room, there is no line to get food. Asking for a bowl of dry cereal, a banana and some milk, I notice Amy, eating a bagel, I feel proud of her, I never see her eating, I take a seat across from her. Our eyes meet, I send her a soft smile which she returns.

"H-how are you-u?" I stutter out probably sounding pathetic.

"I'm doing okay, I feel refreshed." She says, motioning to the food she's taking in.

"That's better I g-guess." I chuckle.

She nods with a smile.

The cereal ends up being way drier than I expected, I don't finish but I happily ate the banana because I love them.

Amy leaves shortly and I am alone once again. Its not so bad though, I remind myself.

-

My morning was going well until the curly headed boy I had mistaken for my friend, walks into the nearly empty cafeteria. Harry winks at the lunch lady person and she turns around to give him a yogurt and an apple juice. He meets my gaze and freezes, sympathy clear in his deep forest eyes. He blinks and continues walking to sit at the table I had sat at when I had first arrived. Something wet land on my black jeans, tears. Why am I crying over him. My eyes begin to flood as I let out a whimper. So much for forgetting. I bury my face into my hands as my vision is blurred by tears. I cry out slightly.

I can't get up, my legs have given up. I don't want to get in trouble for crying and then.. and then they'll hurt me again.

I need to get out of here. Where do I go? My room is past the wreck area and I can't go past there crying.

The washrooms.

I scramble to my feet, stunned by pain again and I topple over side ways. I freeze and turn my gaze to Harry and he is looking at me. I get up as fast as I can and bolt out of the room, the last thing I see before I leave is his perfect hair standing up perfectly on his perfect head as he stands up. Prick.

I still can't breathe and I don't have much luck because my legs give out completely and I collapse to the hard tile floor outside the cafeteria.

Harry finds his way to me and brings me up to his lap and frantically brings my face towards his.

"Listen here, I don't know whats going on right now and i don't know what to do, please help me out? I'm sorry I just want to help you." He rambles and my lips quiver. I put my arms behind my neck and start to take deep breaths into my stomach for a minute or two to stop hyperventilating, he stares into my eyes, his are dark and fearful, mine are bloodshot and twitching.

"I'm-m sorr-ry." I croak.

"Don't fucking apologize, you probably didn't have much control on what just went down, and I was the one ignoring you this week, so I'm sorry, or some shit." He curses.

Well I wasn't expecting this to happen.