Substances

Chapter 1

 It feels like I have been running for years. My arms are pumping; my legs keep reaching for pavement as I continue to accelerate to escape my pursuers.

I sprint around the corner and don’t stop to look back. As I’m running, familiar lights catch my eyes and spark up memories. I fly by the café I used to stop at every morning before work; where I would recover after a long day and where some of my favorite local bands would play on Saturday nights. It’s so strange now, passing it at this time of night with all the lights turned down and not a soul within 100 meters of the lot. It looked lifeless and gloomy.

This café is where I began in this vast city. Seeing it like this for what will probably be the last time makes a tear fall down my cheek. It is immediately lost as I continue to run as fast as I can. This café is the place where I met him. The place where I met love of my life.

 Who knew he would be the end of it too?

The wind picks up, my feet begin to ache and my chest continues to grow tighter with every strangled breath I take in.

 Behind me I hear tires sliding across uneven pavement. The hum of the engine revs louder, automatically pulsing a fresh wave of fear and adrenaline through my body.

 I round another corner where the street lights don’t continue. Buildings tower over me on all sides creating an unforgiving darkness that almost makes me stop and turn around.

I glance back and see headlights coming down the alley. I’m nearly out of breath. My eyes shoot back to what’s in front of me, deciding my next course of action.

As I reach the end of the alley I’m forced to stop abruptly. Railings marked with dozens of signs reading “Do Not Jump” and “Do Not Swim” stop me from my escape. I look to my left and to my right, there are 60 story buildings on either side of me and no pathways or doors.

I’m trapped.

I stare hundreds of feet down at what’s below the railings. The water that is flowing is cold and looks uncharacteristically black. I turn to have headlights blind my vision, giving me white spots everywhere I look. 

So this is where it all ends?

 My life, conservative and boring up until five months ago, is put to an end?

 I know this isn’t his fault, no one could have guessed the events that have taken place. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to live.

I can imagine him now, his thumb tracing circles on my hand as our fingers are intertwined, attempting to sooth my erratic heartbeat. His beautiful green eyes staring into mine, opening up to me and only me.

He would always run his fingers through his hair, pushing it up off his forehead to give me a full view of his perfectly sculpted face, giving me a smile full of unconditional promises, the smile that I fell head over heels for.

 I can hear the vehicle getting louder with every second that passes. I can see it grow larger as it speeds closer and closer to me. I am going to die.

 As it gets closer and closer, it’s shape as a car begins to dissolve and I see it for what it truly is. A monster. The monster that will take me away from my world. The monster that will take me away from my Harry.

 I turned around and place my hands on the railings. The metal is wet and ice cold under my skin. I balance and put one foot on the railing, it slips and I curse under my breath. My other foot follows, leaving me standing on the second bar of the railing, my knees resting on the top bar balancing my weight against it. I move my right leg over the top bar, I am now straddling the railing, squeezing my thighs together to keep myself upright. My left leg follows immediately after, with both of my hands gripping the top rail to keep me from falling.

 My hand reaches up to my throat, searching for the locket he gave me for my birthday. I found it resting in the hollow of my neck. I grasp it with my right hand, keeping my left hand gripped firmly on the bar. Air escapes from my lungs in ragged uneven breaths as I continue to attempt to control my breathing. These men, after all that they have put me through, do not deserve the satisfaction of killing me.

 I take one deep breath and close my eyes.

 “I love you Harry” I whisper as I let gravity take me into its own hands.

* * * * 

[Five months earlier]

“Mom, please don’t start crying. You weren’t this emotional when I left for college two years ago..” I rolled my eyes as she gripped the back of my shirt even tighter.

“I know sweetie, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe you’re moving to New York! Out of all the places to get a job in music, why did you have to get one on the other side of the country? You know Los Angeles is just 4 hours from our home!” she said looking at me with glazed eyes, tears threatening to spill over. 

My mother was not one to cry, she was the mother who told you to suck it up when I had fallen or gotten picked on by another person. With her short-cut died blonde hair, high arched eyebrows, and maroon choice lip stick, she intimidated many people. I was not very well on my feet as a child; bumping into things and falling over was a common characteristic of mine all the way through high school. But I’ve had a strong personality from the start. She helped morph me into the person I am today. She wanted me to learn how to fend for myself and be tough from a young age, seeing her like this was rare. 

My mother is quit the control freak, and I was a rebellious child. We constantly knocked heads, especially through my high school years. There was a period when I didn’t even live in my own house because things got too out of control between us. But leaving for college made us closer and more tolerable of each other. I went to Stanford for music and graduated a year early and received a job in New York with one of the hottest and most popular radio stations in America, Kiss Radio XM. I am working on a paid internship through the year with one of the radio hosts, and then I am going to begin working full time as a music scout manager. Landing this job in my second year of college was absolutely amazing; the radio station contacted me themselves after I sent in my application and gave me the job of my dreams.

 My mother is so proud; she never wanted me in the music business but this job gives me the amazing opportunity to do what I love and get paid exceptionally well.

“You know I love you mom… but you have to met me go. This is the job I have dreamt of! Living in New York, in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city, there will never be a dull moment!” I say, a smile inching onto my face with every word. “Now I have to go, my plane takes off in 45 minutes.”

“Alright honey. I can’t believe my daughter is leaving, off to start a life of her own! I love you, Charlotte. Please text me when you’re on the plane and text me immediately when you land. And make sure you get a trustworthy non-smoking cab driver to take you to your apartment. Your car should be there, waiting for you. Do you have enough money for the cab service? You know the address of your building right?”

 “Mom! Calm down, I have everything planned. Don’t worry, I know what to do and where to go. I have to go now. I love you.” I leaned in and gave my mom a tight long hug. It is going to be a while until I see her, when she comes to visit me.

“I love you too. Be safe, have fun. I’ll see you in November.” She said into my neck, sniffling and pushing away. I grabbed hold of my carry-on suitcase, tightened my satchel over my shoulder and began walking to my gate. 

I turned around and gave one last wave to my mom. She waved back, holding a tissue to her nose and then turned away.

* * * *

(Hello everyone! I just wrote the beginning to what I hope to be a Harry Styles fanfic, I absolutely adore the band especially Harry and I've read many fanfics about him and an idea of my own sparked up! This is the first chapter to what I am writing, just wanted to share with you all, its a bit of an idea I've had sprouting in me for a few days. Please let me know if I should continue by commenting and voting, If no one likes this I'll just delete it but I'd love to post more! Be sure to share it with friends and others so I know if its even reaching an audience or not! Hope the first chapter isn't too bad or poorly written, I'm still getting my kinks out! 

-Amanda xox)