Flaws, Flames, & Flashes

II.

You know that feeling you get when your anxious. You feel like there's an anchor in your stomach holding you back, and your body feels heavier than usual. You feel like your being pulled really fast from your feet. You get dizzy and heavy headed. You start to ask yourself questions and pretend that someone is answering them but, in reality its only you, its only your mind. When you realize this, you decide to talk to someone, to alleviate the pain by doing something about it. You decide to ask someone those questions your answering on your own. I decided to ask Brandon some questions. Some questions that, if not answered correctly, the agony could continue . . . maybe even forever. I'm prepared for anything though, I can get through losing the person I love to someone else, even if it means putting myself in the situation where I have to doubt, for one second, that that  persons feelings towards me are still the same. At this point all I need is the satisfaction in knowing that I answered my own questions correctly.

Unexpectedly, my thoughts are interrupted when large arms wrap around my waist and someone lays their chin on the crook of my neck. I spin in their arms, remembering that I had knocked on Brandon's door minutes before. I needed those answers. I needed to recover. I needed to feel him.

"Hey, baby." Brandon grins from ear to ear. I steady myself, looking up at him and I place my hands in the pit of his elbows, wrapping them around his biceps. His arms still around my waist.

"Hi." I glance down at his chest, staring awkwardly at his white shirt, awaiting his questionnaire. I had skipped school and didn't even bother to text or call back. He had every right to question me. It's only fair. 

"How are you?" He says, letting go of me. He grabs one of my hands and takes me inside his condo. He leads me into the living room and sits down on the sofa, patting his lap, signaling for me to sit on top of it. I put my phone on the coffee table and walk over to him and lay down, comfortably placing my head on his left thigh, legs stretched out on the couch.  

"I'm okay. How about you?" I grab a piece of my hair and begin to curl it around my finger.

"Not so great. I haven't seen you in days. What happened to you?" He pulls at my shoulder, gesturing for me to turn and look at him. I obey, shifting my body, I intertwine my fingers together and place them on my stomach, under my breast.  

"The usual, problems with dad. You know?"

"Are you okay now?" He bites his lower lip, lifting his arms and placing them both behind his head.

"Yea, I'm okay." Closing my eyes, I feel him move. His hand is on my face and he starts to caress my cheek, moving his thumb in circular motion, lower and lower until he reaches my jaw line.

"That's good." His movements are steady, and continuous. Moving down my neck, slowly. Bit by bit. Every invisible spiral filled with so much meaning, it's breath taking. He reaches the hem of my shirt but, continues under it, pretending like its not even there.

"Hey, umm," I open my eyes, taking my hand and placing it on top of his wrist, the wrist that was almost completely covered by my shirt. Im here in regards to a serious matter and I'm not going to let him distract me. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah? What was it?" He doesn't remove his arm but, carelessly lays it on top of my left breast. I freeze under his touch but, I shake it off.  

"Umm, your going to laugh at me if I ask you this," I looked away, still holding onto his wrist.

"Come on, you know I won't." He leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Okay but, please don't laugh," I look back up at him and stare into his eyes, same olives as mine. His thick and bushy, dark eyebrows lifted up and furrowed in confusion. His light brown hair slicked back nicely, just how I like it. He looked perfectly perfect. "Why are you with me?"