Unspoken Words (Obi-Wan X Reader)

Unspoken Goodbyes

Standing outside the Jedi Council room, you cleared your mind as much as you could. You had tried to do this privately with only your former master, Yoda, to know about it, but he had insisted that you announce it to the Council officially. It wasn't something usually done, which kept you questioning why he had asked of it. However, when Master Yoda requests something, it isn't wise to disregard it.
Taking a deep breath, you pushed the doors to the Council room open and made your way into the center of the semicircle. The Council members were arranged in their seats, calmly awaiting you. You couldn't help your eyes from being drawn to Obi-Wan, but you quickly reassessed your self-control and cleared your mind again, something that almost came easily with your Jedi training.
When you were ready, you faced the Council and began, "Master Yoda. Council." You nodded toward the semicircle of Jedi Masters around you, giving a slight bow of respect. Master Windu nodded and asked, "Master Y/N, what did you wish to tell us?"
Understanding the monumental, life-changing decision you were about to make, you took another deep breath. Moving your robes aside, you unclipped your light saber from your waist and held it out in front of you. Not daring to look in Obi-Wan's direction, you began, "I am here to renounce my training and title as a Jedi." You paused as the room grew tense and many council members shifted in their seats. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Obi-Wan's eyes grow wide as he leaned forward, confusion flashing across his face before he realized where he sat and composed himself. Mace Windu spoke again, "May we ask what has brought about this decision?"
You nodded stiffly and explained, "First, I want the Council to know that I have taken my time to meditate on this decision." You looked over their heads to the bustling city outside the large windows, watching the buildings light up with the golden light of sunset. Without looking back yet, you continued, "I have realized–" You paused as thoughts of the real reason you were leaving crept into your head. Immediately, you pushed them away, knowing full well the mind reading capabilities of the Masters in the room. You returned your gaze to those same Masters and finished your explanation, "I have realized that I can no longer follow the Jedi Code. Not completely. And I respect the Code and those that follow it too much to pretend that I ever could. I will leave quietly and I assure you that I will live in a way that will never bring dishonor to the Jedi. I promise you that." You bowed again and waited patiently for their reactions, however small.
After a silence that seemed to drag on for an eternity, Master Windu spoke up, "Well. It is your decision. Just make sure you're sincere in it, and the Council will accept your renouncement." You replied, "I am quite sure."
You approached your former master and held out your light saber, expecting him to take away the symbol of your training. Instead, Yoda held up his hand and said, "Keep it, you shall. Need it, you will." Furrowing your brow at his words, you hesitantly pulled back your arm.
"Thank you, Master Yoda." You took a step back and bowed again. You added, "Thank you for your time and understanding," and directed it at the entire council. As you left, Obi-Wan caught your eye, but you quickly looked away and exited into the hall.
You made your way down the pristine halls of the Jedi temple, on your way to your room, to say goodbye to all of your favorite places.
Just as you approached your quarters, you heard a voice call out, "Y/N!" You turned to see Obi-Wan at the end of the hall, making his way toward you, his eyes fixated on yours, filled with questions. Your shoulders slumped. You had hoped that you could grab your things and make away without having to say goodbye. Finally, he caught up to you as you opened your door and stepped inside. Obi-Wan followed, immediately asking, "Y/N, what are you doing?" You sighed quietly to yourself as you finished placing your few belongings into a pack, and replied, "What does it look like Obi-Wan? I'm leaving. It wasn't long ago when I made the announcement, and I know that your memory isn't as sharp as mine, but still..."
He ignored your usual teasing, finding the matter at hand much more important, "Leaving? What could have possibly caused you to make such a decision?"
"You know the answer to that. You were in the Council room with everyone else." You picked up your bag and made your way to the door, but Obi-Wan stepped in front of you. "No, Y/N, I'm afraid I don't know the answer. What you said at the Council meeting made no sense. I can hardly believe that you are unable to follow the Jedi Code."
"Well then, it's time you learned how to believe in the impossible." You pushed past Obi-Wan into the hallway, but he still continued to follow you. Just as Obi-Wan was about to pester you with more questions, you noticed Anakin walking towards the both of you. As he neared, you pulled him aside, and exclaimed, "Oh, Anakin! I've been meaning to find you so I could say goodbye." You pulled him into a rare embrace, and after his initial shock, the young man quickly hugged you back. When you stepped back though, you could the the confusion still on his face, made more evident as he asked, "Goodbye?"
You opened your mouth to explain, but Obi-Wan interjected, "Ah, yes. Anakin, Y/N has gotten the idea in her head that she needs to leave the Jedi. Talk some sense into her, will you? Go on. Be the voice of reason. The Force knows why she won't listen to me." He grumbled and motioned for Anakin to talk to you. You bit your lip and shook your head, hoping against hope that Anakin wouldn't. It took all you could not to stay as it was, but if the young man that you had cared for in the many years he had been in training asked you to, you didn't think you could refuse. Anakin's eyes flicked back and forth, analyzing your defeated face and Obi-Wan's slightly smug expression, since he knew that his padawan would be on his side. Seeming to understand the situation, the tall boy put his hands on your shoulders and looked over at his master. Then he turned back to you and said, "I think that Master Y/N is wise enough to make her own decisions." He glanced at Obi-Wan again with a spiteful shrug before continuing, "And if she thinks this is the best choice for her, than perhaps we should respect that." Your heart filled to the brim with relief and gratitude for his words. Obi-Wan's mouth couldn't seem to stay closed as he gazed in betrayal at his apprentice. Anakin gave you a final farewell hug and stepped back to give a small bow towards his master before walking off. It was only returned with a glare to the back of his head.
With a slightly renewed assurance in your future, you continued to the loading station that would take you back home. A grumbling Obi-Wan still trailed behind, muttering, "Of course now is the time that the boy decides to have manners and a respect for people's opinions. When else could he possibly display those traits? Not with me! That's for sure..." You cracked a half smile at the complaints of his padawan, now a more frequent occurrence.
As you neared the loading bay, a small ship came into sight, some people bustling around to get it ready. It was a passenger ship sent from your home planet to take you to the palace. A man approached you, gave a deep bow, and took your bag to load onto the ship. You allowed him and made your way to the open doors to board the vessel yourself, but again, Obi-Wan stopped you. This time, he placed a hand on your arm and turned you to face him. You sighed, "Right. Yes. Can't forget to say goodbye to you, can I?" You forced a smile and looked up at the face of your forbidden love, knowing that he had no idea how you felt about him.
Still ignoring your comments, he asked with desperation in his eyes, "Y/N, I can't possibly believe that you would leave for no reason. The only explanation is that something is forcing you away. Who or what is it?"
"Nothing, Obi-Wan. No one is driving me away..." Even you could feel your lie radiating through the Force. Obi-Wan frowned and replied, "You could at least put in the effort if you're going to lie to me." You groaned in frustration and stepped onto the ship, trying to get rid of your friend by simply hoping he'd leave.
It didn't work. Obi-Wan stepped up to the edge of the ship, looking up at you, determined to get an answer of why his best friend was leaving him and everything she had worked for her entire life, "Just tell me, Y/N. Who is making you do this?"
You tried to push down the emotions that swirled in your chest and think of a believable lie, but then you realized that you were no longer a Jedi. You didn't have to suppress your feelings anymore. Finally, you began, "If you must know–"
"Yes, I must."
You placed your hand on Obi-Wan's cheek, looked down into his eyes, and finally admitted, "If you must know, it's you Obi-Wan. You're the one driving me away." Confusion contorted the Jedi master's face as he stood in front of you, loving the feel of your hand on his cheek, but not quite knowing what your statement meant.
Tears welling in your eyes, you bent slightly and kissed his cheek, pressing all of the feelings you had hid for so long into the one brief moment of contact.
Trying to keep your voice from cracking, you managed to whisper, "Goodbye, Obi-Wan," before entering the ship and quickly closing the doors. As soon as he was out of sight, you didn't bother to hide your pain and grief anymore. The tears spilled, leaving salty tracks on your cheeks.
You motioned for the pilot to take off, and took your seat. As you rose into the air, you glanced out the window to see a shocked Obi-Wan standing on the platform, watching your ship depart. You rubbed the tear streaks from your cheeks and took a deep, shuddering breath. The Jedi, the Masters, the Codes, even Anakin and Obi-Wan were now all behind you. And you knew you could never go back.

Obi-Wan stared at the spot in the sky where your ship had disappeared, not entirely sure of what just happened. His mind finally processed it and he took a gasping breath. He had driven you away? How? What did he do? He couldn't help but think of the almost kiss in the medical wing. Was that it? Did he scare you off so much that you left the Jedi Order? Then what did that kiss on his cheek mean? The spot still burned with the feeling of your lips. He always wondered what a kiss from you would feel like.
Suddenly, it hit him. You were gone. It was as if a hand reached into his chest and began to squeeze the life out of him. He had been the one to drive you away, and you probably hated him. Now Obi-Wan knew why the Jedi discouraged attachments. The pain in his heart was more intense than he thought he could bear. A part of him wanted to go after you, to bring you back. But another part of him knew he couldn't. If this is what you wanted, if this is how you felt, he didn't want to pressure you into something different.
Obi-Wan continued to stare at the sky, his heart silently breaking with an unspoken goodbye.